Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Azra Tuba Demir
Here are some examples of unspoken rules couples have shared with us: never raise your voice, always pay bills the day they arrive, never turn on overhead lights (only lamps), don't interrupt another's work, don't ask for help unless you are desperate, always leave the butter on the counter – not in the fridge.
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Read More »Do you know that you live by an invisible rule book? You may not even know you have it, but all of us do. You likely have harbored unspoken rules of what a great marriage should look since before you were married. And along those lines, chances are you have an idea of what roles you and your spouse should play once you are married. Without knowing it, couples are drawn into acting out roles they form from a blend of their personal dispositions, family backgrounds and marital expectations. For many couples, this can be a big speed bump in a marriage when unspoken rules and unconscious roles are broken by their spouse. But how is our spouse supposed to know about our unspoken expectations? The key is to address these issues before we create a deep rut we are stuck in.
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Read More »Unspoken Rules :Communication is vital when it comes to unspoken rules. Sit down with your partner and try to articulate some of the unspoken rules you grew up with. These rules can sometimes be so ingrained, we are rarely aware of them. Start by listing your top 10; this what we call your “personal ten commandments.” Once you have listed them, share with each other. You may be surprised to hear what is important to your spouse, and vice versa. Try to respect what is important to the other, and work out a mutual agreement on the do’s and don’ts in your relationship. :Communication is vital when it comes to unspoken rules. Sit down with your partner and try to articulate some of the unspoken rules you grew up with. These rules can sometimes be so ingrained, we are rarely aware of them. Start by listing your top 10; this what we call your “personal ten commandments.” Once you have listed them, share with each other. You may be surprised to hear what is important to your spouse, and vice versa. Try to respect what is important to the other, and work out a mutual agreement on the do’s and don’ts in your relationship. Unconscious Roles:Being aware of your natural tendencies is all it takes to save you from a disappointing drama. Once you are each aware of the roles you tend to take, you can sit down and write a new script together. Writing your own script will help you build a unique marriage and future, rather than only sticking to the programming you were taught as a child. The key is communicating the roles you wish to play and coming up with a compromise. Or perhaps a shared role may be in the books for you. Whatever the outcome is, be sure you are communicating your roles openly. The expectations you bring to your partnership can make or break a relationship. So before you get stuck in a rut, sit down and exchange your viewpoints on these important topics. Remember that the more openly you discuss your expectations, the more likely you are to create a vision of marriage you agree on and that is unique to the both of you. If you want to explore further with your spouse, check out our SYMBIS Assessment here. What roles or unspoken rules do you and your spouse see differently? How do you plan to resolve this? Share with us in the comments below!
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