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What are the three A's of a relationship?

Deepak Chopra's Three “A”s. Why Attention, Appreciation and Affection are so important in a loving relationship. Neuroscience shows positive outcomes for couples.

therapyduo.com - The Importance of Attention, Appreciation & Affection

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Deepak Chopra’s Three “A”s

Art of Love

We’ve started listening to the online series Art of Love 2011 and highly recommend our email readers follow along while it’s still happening. A segment that really caught our attention was in the Kick-off Webinar, where the presenters speak with Deepak Chopra on his three important “A”s of relationships. We share these here as they’re all ones that arise as issues in our practice.

Attention

Attention means deep listening, being totally present, having empathy, trying to see from our partner’s perspective. It means we’re not in a hurry to give advice and react; not in a hurry to interrupt. Our body language actually shows we are deeply listening. Chopra reports that, according to neuroscientists, when we practice deep listening the amygdala of the person speaking and the hippocampus of the listener start to “cool down” (show less activity). The amygdala is the place in the brain where we process fear and anxiety. So we’re actually cooling down those primitive parts of the speaker’s brain just by listening attentively to them. We’re changing not only their brain activity but the actual structure of the brain, which depends on proteins being laid down and that requires gene modulation. We’re influencing the on-off switches of another person’s genes in their neurons by deep listening.

Appreciation

Appreciating our partner has a direct effect on their health and well-being. Recent interesting data from Gallop shows the following statistics: If a manager criticises his or her subordinates then disengagement grows to 25% and people who work for that manager get sick

If the manager ignores them, disengagement grows to 45%

But if a manager notices a single strength and appreciates that strength, disengagement falls to less than 1% and people stay healthy. (Aside from the disastrous effects on the couple relationship, which is our focus here, economically this is said to cost $280 billion to the U.S. economy.)

Affection

Affection is deep caring and knowing that we are there for the other person. In the language of neuroplasticity, we can say this kind of engagement in relationship rewires the brain in a direction where love actually becomes a healing force. It influences hormones, cell repair, homeostasis (biological self-regulation and self-repair).

Love Is a Powerful Healing

So it turns out that love is the most powerful healing that can happen. And this is so through a phenomenon called limbic resonance. When people are in love their brains are resonating, their hormones are resonating and they are healing each other and monitoring each other’s biology and moving each other in the direction of healing.

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How do I have a deeper conversation with my partner?

Open up on a personal level to make a deep connection. Share little secrets or embarrassing moments with your partner so they feel comfortable doing the same. ... Ask open-ended questions. “What did you think about that?” “How did that make you feel?” “Interesting. Could you tell me more about that?”

wikihow.com - How to Have a Deep Conversation with Your Partner (and What ...

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden . Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples' relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book "Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids" and also wrote "Professor Kelli's Guide to Finding a Husband". Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 33,204 times.