Infatuation Rules
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What are the softer signs of abuse?

Some of the 'soft signs' of child abuse to look out for include: Overfriendliness towards strangers. Recurrent nightmares. Persistently seeking attention. Excessive clinginess. Low self-esteem. Habitual body-rocking. Wetting and soiling. Indiscriminate contact or affection seeking. More items... •

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No one wants to think about the possibility that a child they know might be a victim of abuse, but it is a sad truth that child abuse and neglect is a very real concern in the United Kingdom. In order to support children who are being neglected or abused, you need to have a good knowledge of the tell-tale signs that abuse or neglect is happening. Some signs of child abuse are undeniable. For example, you might witness a child being neglected, or a child could disclose abuse to you with scars or injuries as evidence. However, there are some ‘soft signs’ of child abuse that you should also be aware of. These are less easy to recognise, as, on their own, they might not look like abuse to the untrained eye. Paying close attention to children who display these ‘soft signs’ could help you to notice and report a safeguarding concern before it brings further harm to a child. Some of the ‘soft signs’ of child abuse to look out for include:

Overfriendliness towards strangers

Recurrent nightmares

Persistently seeking attention

Excessive clinginess

Low self-esteem

Habitual body-rocking

Wetting and soiling

Indiscriminate contact or affection seeking

Aggressive behaviour

Withdrawing communication

There are a host of other ‘soft signs’ that you should also be aware of. A child below the age of puberty who is displaying overtly sexual behaviours, for example, could be experiencing abuse, and parents who use excessive physical punishment on their children may be perpetrating abuse. In these instances, you should report your concerns immediately. In the United Kingdom, there is much more under-recognition of child abuse and neglect than there is over-reporting of cases that turn out to be untrue. Experts hope that these ‘soft signs’ will encourage professionals and staff working closely with children to err on the side of curiosity and report suspected cases of child abuse or neglect without hesitation.

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How do I know if I am toxic?

Signs of a toxic person. You're always sarcastic. You deal with conflict in a roundabout way. Everything is a competition. You turn everything into a joke. You want to fix everyone and everything. You secretly crave disaster because of the care you receive from it. More items... •

Telling someone how you went through a similar experience as they did is different from trying to show how you've had it worse. The first is where you show you resonate with the other person and use that empathy to connect. The second is a competition. It's true that many people have been conditioned to have some sort of seemingly objective metric of what's worse—we prioritize physical health ailments over mental health difficulties, and for anyone who appears to be living comfortably, we dismiss it with the label "First World problems" over someone who is in abject conditions. Sometimes we're filled with indignation if we've been through "worse" and think, "How dare they?" Or sometimes, we genuinely believe someone is being weak and should just "suck it up" because we have done so ourselves. Importantly, we need to be aware of these biases and to realize that pain isn't a competition. Regardless of a person's diagnosable condition or lifestyle, pain is pain. When we try to convince them their situation isn't so bad, we are effectively invalidating their experiences and alienating them. The fix: Be aware of why you feel the need to "compete"—is it because this is the only way you'll feel validated or feel some respite from your experiences? Sometimes, honesty is the best gift we can give ourselves, no matter how scary it is. This way, we can truly have empathy for ourselves and others. If you find it hard to express compassion for someone else, perhaps ask yourself, "What would I want someone to say to me in my position?"

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