Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Luis Quintero
Here's a look at 12 signs that might suggest someone has a controlling personality. They make you think everything's your fault. ... They criticize you all the time. ... They don't want you to see the people you love. ... They keep score. ... They gaslight you. ... They create drama. ... They intimidate you. ... They're moody. More items... •
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Read More »Share on Pinterest Many of us picture the typical schoolyard bully when we think of a controlling person. We might imagine someone who aggressively commands others to do what they want. But there are many more subtle signs you may not be aware of, and this kind of behavior isn’t only limited to romantic relationships. Controlling people show up in all areas of life — co-workers, bosses, friends, family, and even strangers. If you end up feeling small, embarrassed, or humiliated whenever you come in contact with them, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate who you’re spending time with. Here’s a look at 12 signs that might suggest someone has a controlling personality. They make you think everything’s your fault You’re blamed for minor things you have nothing to do with. If something goes wrong, they take on the role of victim and make you believe you’re responsible for things beyond your control. You might hear “it’s all your fault” or “you shouldn’t have done this” come up in conversation. They criticize you all the time A controlling person will attempt to undermine your confidence by making jabs at you in private or public. Here are a few examples of these methods: exaggerating your flaws at work (always pointing out typos in an email, for example)
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Read More »They gaslight you They underplay your experience by lying or accusing you of being overly sensitive. If you’re upset about something they told you last week, they’ll deny ever having said it and that it’s all in your mind. You start second-guessing yourself all the time. Say you suspect a close friend of spreading false rumors about you. In response, they’ll say you’re imagining things or blame someone else, despite any evidence you might have. Read more about gaslighting. They create drama If you had a big win at work, a controlling person might immediately change the subject and sulk about something that upset them that day to regain your attention. They may also sabotage your relationships with others as a way to have a leg up on you. For example, they might take screen shots of your private texts without permission and send them to others. They intimidate you Someone exerting excessive control may constantly act superior and try to undermine your reputation. At work, this can look like a co-worker who always interrupts you during a meeting to state their own opinion or a boss who disdainfully talks down to you in front of your peers. They may also make veiled threats in the way of jokes: “If you don’t turn this in by tomorrow, I’ll start clearing out your desk. Just kidding!” They’re moody They show drastic mood changes — one moment they’re buying you gifts and lavishing you with praise, and the next, they’re acting like a bully. You end up feeling like you’re walking on eggshells and never know where you stand with them. They also won’t take responsibility or say “sorry” when they’ve upset you. They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer A controlling person often won’t accept healthy boundaries and will try to persuade or pressure you into changing your mind. If you’ve said you can’t meet up this weekend, they’ll show up uninvited to your house. Or they’ll refuse to let you leave a party early even after saying you feel sick.
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Read More »They’re unreasonably jealous They always want your undivided attention and become upset when you make plans with others. They might: speak badly or making negative comments about you and your friends
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