What are the 3 loves in your life?

The three loves that she came up with are the following: Lust, Passion, and Commitment. These three loves occur in different parts of the brain and occur independently from each other. For instance, you can be “in lust” with someone but have no perceived commitment to them (e.g., one night stands).

markmanson.net - The Three Loves Theory - Mark Manson

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Love Three: Commitment

If two people remain in passion for long enough, and there is a long-term compatibility where they can continue to share new life experiences together indefinitely, then commitment will arise. Commitment is an unbelievably powerful feeling and occurs rarely in life. Commitment is when the passion of Love Two persists to the point that it’s unconditional. Couples that are in Love Two and not Love Three will often feel great until something happens: he loses his job, she has a miscarriage, he starts drinking, etc. Commitment is when you emotionally accept and love the other person’s flaws as much as their strengths. Scientists have actually shown that for couples who reach that level of commitment, their senses of self actually merge with the other person.6 What researchers have done is observe neural activation patterns in these long-term couples. They found that if you ask a man married for 20 years to think about his wife getting into a car accident, and then ask him to think about himself getting into a car accident, the same “self” spots in his brain will light up, whereas it won’t for anybody else. And it won’t for couples who have not been at the Third Love of commitment for a long period of time. Commitment arises with the idea that the relationship will persist indefinitely. The only way it can end is if one or both parties of a relationship change individually to the point where it becomes harmful for the other person to self-identify with their partner: again, think of the husband who becomes an alcoholic, or the wife who keeps cheating, etc. Sometimes even then, the power of commitment holds on, depending on the individuals. Passion and Lust can disappear well after Commitment arises without affecting the Commitment. In this way, each love is a pre-requisite for the subsequent love to emerge, but once it has, it’s no longer necessary. Lust is needed for passion, but passion can exist later without it. Passion must exist for commitment, but later on, commitment can exist without it. There are timetables for each love, although these are very arbitrary and will vary widely from person to person and couple to couple. But it’s helpful to think about this: Lust is instantaneous and comes and goes constantly, being very easy to retrieve once lost. Passion takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to emerge, and usually sticks around for 3-6 months. In highly compatible couples, it will persevere but still require effort and constant communication to maintain beyond a couple years. Commitment arises after anywhere from 1-3 years together and remains for a lifetime unless two people grow apart as individuals, in which case it often takes years to undo itself.

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How does true love feel like?

You feel like a complete individual Both people are free to be their whole selves. Couples experience "true individuation and self-discovery" when they're truly in love, explains Carroll. In this way, you don't feel incomplete without them but rather that you're two whole people who work well as a team.

mindbodygreen.com - What Does Love Actually Feel Like? 10 Feelings To Look For

It's important to clarify that everyone experiences and expresses love in their own unique way. However, with that in mind, clinical psychologist Bobbi Wegner, Psy.D., says, "What we do know is that there is a difference between lust, attraction, and attachment, which combine to what I define as love."

The attachment stage is key for long-term love, Wegner adds.

Attachment is about feeling deeply connected to someone beyond physical lust and attraction. "It can be sexual and romantic or not (such as infant-bonding, close friendships, and loving family relationships)," she says. Licensed marriage and family therapist Linda Carroll M.S., LMFT, explains the idea of wholehearted love as the last of five stages of a relationship. A couple must go through deep interpersonal connection but also doubts, disillusionment, and ultimately a decision about whether to stick it out, all before experiencing true, wholehearted love. Notably, both experts say the idea of one soul mate seems to be a wash: "I think you can make a choice to spend your life with another person," Carroll tells mbg, but "I think there's more than one right person—I think there are many kinds of soul mates."

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