What are the 3 I's that cause divorce?

insider.com - The 3 I's That Lead to Divorce, and How They Destroy a Marriage

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Bill and Melinda Gates announced on Monday that they would divorce.

Insider spoke to attorneys and relationship therapists about the main reasons couples get divorced.

One therapist said it comes down to incompatibility, infidelity, and irreconcilable differences.

Top editors give you the stories you want — delivered right to your inbox each weekday. Loading Something is loading. Thanks for signing up! Access your favorite topics in a personalized feed while you're on the go. download the app Email address By clicking ‘Sign up’, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider as well as other partner offers and accept our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy Bill and Melinda Gates announced on Monday that they would divorce, mutually tweeting that they were ending their 27-year marriage.

Melinda Gates' petition for divorce called their marriage "irretrievably broken."

Tess Brigham, a therapist, told Insider that over such a long marriage, tension can build up in one of three main relationship categories, or the three I's: incompatibility, infidelity, and irreconcilable differences. Here's how the three I's can affect a couple over their marriage, according to therapists and attorneys.

Incompatibility in living, spending, and romantic habits can build resentment over time

Brigham said some of the most common incompatibilities that lead to divorce are politics and religion.

Marilyn Chinitz, Tom Cruise's divorce attorney, disagreed.

"For most people, money is the No. 1 reason why people get divorced," Chinitz told Insider. While having different opinions isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, an inability to compromise and talk about those differences is a huge problem, Brigham said. "While someone might say, 'We couldn't agree on money,' what that really means is 'We fought all the time about money, my partner never listened to me, they spent money behind my back without telling me,'" she said. "Another couple might have different beliefs about money, but if they can speak to each other respectively and hear each other's point of view, then they're not going to break up over it."

Infidelity can permanently break trust

Kari Lichtenstein, a founding partner of Stutman Stutman Lichtenstein & Felder, told Insider that infidelity is one of the main reasons people file for divorce. Infidelity occurs when one or both partners are intimate with another person outside of their vows, Brigham told Insider. Infidelity can lead to lasting trust issues in a marriage that can ultimately make the relationship crumble. Irreconcilable differences like goals and parenting styles are discussed too late in a relationship, experts say It's natural for couples to grow and change over their marriage, but the difference between a successful marriage and a failing one is whether couples grow together or apart, Brigham said. A relationship can deteriorate in the early years of marriage if a couple has different opinions on having children and how to raise them, she said. Michael Stutman, also a founding partner of Stutman Stutman Lichtenstein & Felder, told Insider that differences in how a couple views their individual and joint futures could come up after their children have left the house. "Even if a couple makes it through the child-raising years, when faced with an empty nest they can easily get to the point where the Gateses found themselves, where the relationship has run its course and they want something more," Stutman said.

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everydayhealth.com - Understanding Why Women Fall Out of Love | Everyday Health

It may be more difficult for women to come to terms with, or even admit, that they are having problems maintaining the feelings of love for their spouses. They have to make a decision to dissolve or save the marriage while battling conflicting emotions. Men seem to be getting all the attention when it comes to relationship muck-ups and falling out of love. Bestselling book, Why Men Fall out of Love (2005), by Michael French, was a big hit with readers, but no such book has been written about women. Women, meanwhile, often think they are the “fixers” of the relationship, and tend to seek out information to remedy the problem. They may perceive men to be indifferent and construe their lack of communication as cruel. As the women feel more neglected, the slow process of falling out of love begins. Neglect isn’t as concrete as infidelity or physical abuse, so it is a tougher area to discuss directly. See your partner for who he is. If he treats you poorly now, he will later. If he has a bad habit of putting you down in front of his friends, see it as a red flag. These actions may not make you feel like falling out of love now, but soon enough they will wear on you.

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