What are some examples of toxic femininity?

Toxic femininity is the result of internalised misogyny and just as toxic masculinity can be harmful to all. Most women receive toxic femininity-based grooming from childhood. A typical example is telling girls that not knowing how to cook will make them undesirable to men and they will struggle to find a husband.

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When researching the topic it became evident that there are multiple interpretations of the term, some of which can be harmful and promote negative female stereotypes such as the idea that women are naturally gossips or ‘bitchy’. The term toxic femininity has received a lot of attention in recent years, with a subreddit boasting over 5000 responses to the question "what is toxic femininity"?. When researching the topic it became evident that there are multiple interpretations of the term, some of which can be harmful and promote negative female stereotypes such as the idea that women are naturally gossips or ‘bitchy’. Hannah McCann, a University of Melbourne lecturer in cultural studies, argues that it's much more helpful to instead look at how “certain approaches to gender can be toxic”, rather than some individual expressions or traits, because this allows us to see the bigger political picture”. But what does it actually mean? In this article we will be exploring how the term is impacting us when/how you should use the term.

What is toxic femininity?

Both our views about masculinity and our views about femininity are socially enforced. With that said, Toxic Femininity refers to a set of harmful female stereotypes that have come to be associated as the socially acceptable attributes of the female gender role. Toxic femininity is the result of internalised misogyny and just as toxic masculinity can be harmful to all. Most women receive toxic femininity-based grooming from childhood. A typical example is telling girls that not knowing how to cook will make them undesirable to men and they will struggle to find a husband.

What toxic femininity is not

There is a distinction between toxic behaviour and toxic femininity. Be careful not to add gender to behaviours such as, “bitchy”, “passive-aggressive”, “fake” etc… as associating a gender with negative behaviours continues to build negative gender stereotypes.

Toxic femininity is not the same as sexism

It's important to note the difference between Toxic Femininity and Sexism, because they are not the same thing, even though they certainly work together. Author -Dr Devon Price described it perfectly in his article "Toxic Femininity Holds All of Us Back". Read this carefully as it will help in picking up toxic femininity traits and chatter in your life. Dr Price writes: "Sexism says that a woman is too frail or docile to play a contact sport; toxic femininity says that you don’t want to play football anyway, sweetie, you would look horrible and sweaty in the helmet and pads. Sexism is focused on robbing women of status and rights; toxic femininity is about defining womanhood so shallowly that a woman feels de-gendered by basic human acts or neutral preferences. Both factors lead to women being compressed into impossibly tight, uncomfortable shapes."

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Recognising toxic femininity behaviour around you

Toxic femininity is not always easy to spot because it's so ingrained in our way of life. When you start recognising you may recall receiving a lot of toxic-femininity-based advice as a child and teen. We have listed some of the most common scenarios to help spot when we might inadvertently take part in to help you start recognising toxic femininity beliefs that might have been imparted upon you and those around you.

What are examples of toxic femininity?

Sit like a lady

A commonly recognisable one might be the saying "sit like a lady". If we do a quick google search for “sit like a lady” this is what we get:

Constantly working to fit a standard

Another example of toxic femininity is when a woman is forever working to be acceptable, to look the way ladies are “meant to look”, and to behave in a manner that is ladylike. An example can even be seen when parents are quick to piece a baby girl’s ears and add ornaments from the moment she is born.

Other examples include:

You need to have your nails done to look clean and polished

Body hair is unclean and you must shave or be prepared to get some disgusted looks

Wearing makeup makes you look better and well put together

Long hair makes you look more feminine and in order to have short hair you need to have striking features Note - each person may have their own understanding of what the “rules” are depending on where and how you were

What is toxic femininity at work?

Toxic femininity at work it’s when women are seen as ballbreakers, rude and aggressive if they do not conform with how a “good” woman should behave. Which is normally associated with quiet, submissive and nurturing. I have heard and read toxic femininity in the workplace as being described as backstabbing and bitching however, we are forgetting that toxic femininity is when we associate specific actions as needed to be a “good” woman/female. We must be careful not to confuse “toxic femininity” with “toxic behaviour”.

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Is toxic femininity another form of bullying?

We have seen many articles describing toxic femininity, especially in the workplace as women being bullied by other women by either holding them down in their career or undermining them. With over 70% of women feeling like they are being bullied by other women in the office, it's easy to blame this on the notion of "toxic femininity", however by doing so we can fall into the trap of amplifying negative stereotypes that have historically been associated with female traits instead of being recognised for what that are, toxic behaviour. Especially as jealousy is often cited as reasons why this might be happening. The conversation around whether women should be supporting other women in the workplace is an important one but not one related to toxic femininity and if we confuse the two, we risk amplifying the notion that women are "bitchy", "jealous" "want to sabotage other women". Remember, the topic is “toxic femininity” not toxic people. Confusing toxic behaviour with toxic femininity or masculinity, will continue to exacerbate gender stereotypes as “a non toxic woman is kind and supporting”.

Be careful with to not mistake toxic behaviour with toxic femininity

In conclusion, if you find yourself groping for the right term to describe your awful manager, hold off from using the phrase “toxic femininity” and ask yourself if you’re placing too much weight on her gender. It could be that she’s just a bad boss, full stop – in which case, why not blame capitalism instead?

Remember, the topic is “toxic femininity” not toxic people.

Interesting articles for further reading on toxic femininity:

elara.care - Toxic Femininity - What is It and How Can We Start Uprooting It?

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