Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: cottonbro studio
The 5 Biggest Dating Mistakes Mistake #1 is bringing your own negative mental thoughts into the date. ... Mistake #2 is thinking you have to have instant chemistry or fireworks with someone. ... Mistake #3 is narrowing it down to one person too quickly. ... Mistake #4 is having sex too soon. ... Mistake #5 is ignoring red flags.
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Read More »Mistake #1 is bringing your own negative mental thoughts into the date. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough, I only attract bad people, I’m too fat” These stories will keep you stuck where you are. You need to turn these stories into positive ones — “love exists for me. I am beautiful just as I am.” If you tell yourself bad stories, you feel bad, and you know what happens? We do nothing, and sit in the same place we’ve been for months and years. Mistake #2 is thinking you have to have instant chemistry or fireworks with someone. Here’s the real deal behind that — good strong love starts slowly. You may not feel big chemistry on date one, but as long as there are no red flags, you should definitely give the person a second/third date. I’ve seen love stories where the chemistry didn’t start until the 6/7th/8th date or even a few months in. So, even if you’re not feeling a rush, try to screen the person in and see if that chemistry can develop! Mistake #3 is narrowing it down to one person too quickly. So often, we just want to move right into a relationship and focus on just one person at a time - and this is especially true for women. Think of your dating life like a horse race, and you’ve got to have many horses to make it a race. Dating multiple people at the same time helps to keep you objective when you’re out there finding love, and it keeps your dating mojo HIGH. You walk around with a spring in your step when you’ve got a few options - and if someone ghosts, it doesn’t hurt as much because you’ve got a few others in the mix. Mistake #4 is having sex too soon. Some people think there is a three date rule — and this is just not the case. Practice sex-clusivity - or having sex with someone only when you’ve entered into an exclusive relationship — which should be around 2/3 months after you’ve started dating (at the earliest). If you think that sounds crazy or that no one will wait that long for you - I’ll tell you that the right men will. Here’s the scoop — When you have sex and have an orgasm as a woman, you’re emitting very high levels of oxytocin which is the attachment hormone. So, now, you’re chemically attached to a person that you might not love or even know if he’s good for you. This is why women aren’t that wonderful at having casual sex — because we become attached easily. Practice sexclusivity or not having sex before you’re ready, and you’ll be happy you did! Mistake #5 is ignoring red flags. Every single person I’ve helped will tell me that they saw the red flags very early on in their previous relationships — but for whatever reasons, they ignored them. Red flags could be anything from being dishonest, negative, angry, critical or controlling - just to name a few.Always always trust your gut — if something feels wrong, it is wrong. Don’t jump into something too fast if it seems off — you will usually regret it and never ever ignore red flags. Avoid these mistakes and you'll have taken a great first step in finding love!
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Read More »With words: "My feelings for you are deepening, and I am starting to fall in love with you." "You mean the world to me, and I appreciate you in my life." "I can't imagine you not being in my life." "I want to share more and more of my life with you every day."
Everyone experiences love differently, so the truth is, we can't tell you for sure whether you're in love—but we can give you some signs that indicate you are. As psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tells mbg, "For some, it's a slow burn that develops over time, and for others, it may feel more quick like that 'aha' moment. Love does not grow at the same pace for everyone." According to relationship therapist Ken Page, LCSW, the very question of how to know when you're in love is a profound and rich question of self-discovery. He notes that it's important to get clear on the kind of love you're really experiencing. "Is it infatuation? Is it healthy love? Is it love that can inspire and last? Love is a rich combination of eros, which includes the erotic, romantic, and sexual—and also the warmth and beauty of companionship and care," he says. Here's our full guide to what true love really feels like, and below, you'll find a quick list of common signs of love:
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