What are signs of a loveless relationship?

16 Unexpected Signs You May Be in a Loveless Marriage You have physical symptoms. At least one of you is kind of acting like an a**. You're constantly criticizing your partner—or vice versa. You stop turning towards each other. There's a whole lot of contempt. Your partner is always on the defensive. More items... •

oprahdaily.com - 16 Unexpected Signs You May Be in a Loveless Marriage - Oprah Daily

Is being clingy love bombing?

To put it simply, you can think of love bombing as clingy behavior taken to the next level. "Love bombing is a tactic of flooding a new partner...

Last updated Dec 5, 2018

What is the sweetest way to talk to your boyfriend?

Sweet Things to Say to Your Boyfriend I love you for everything you are. I feel so safe with your arms around me. I can't stop smiling around you....

Last updated Oct 27, 2019

Promotion

Regardless of how long you’ve been together, there might come a time when the mere sight of your partner will make you want to lock yourself in the bathroom indefinitely. But if you think that feeling can disappear with a simple text from the other room (sometimes all it takes is a wine glass emoji), then the odds are your tiff isn’t a symptom of an unraveling relationship and you can have a happy union. But determining the difference between a standard “rough patch” and a persisting problem that has you wondering if it's normal to "hate" your husband (or wife) isn’t always so simple. These are the signs that you might be in a loveless marriage. Plus, tips on what to do if you're interested in trying to restore it.

You have physical symptoms.

“An unhappy marriage chronically feels bad. It’s like a cold that lingers, leaving you drained and vulnerable,” explains Paul Hokemeyer, J.D., Ph.D. "Symptoms can include severe headaches, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, neck, and back pain. Many of my patients who suffer from depression claim they're constantly fatigued, while those who have anxiety report insomnia. I even treated one middle aged woman who carried such anger towards her husband that she often felt her skin was crawling with ants."

At least one of you is kind of acting like an a**.

In his over 40 years of research, Dr. John Gottman—psychological researcher and author —found that have five positive interactions for every negative one. He calls this the “magic ratio.” And Robin Milhausen, PhD, Associate Chair, Department of Family Relations and Applied Nutrition at the University of Guelph, suggests asking yourself how many of your conversations are ripe with barbs and snark. "If you’re snapping at each other more often than not," she says, "it's likely time to do some reflecting."

You’re constantly criticizing your partner—or vice versa.

We all get cranky. (Hello, would it kill you to choose the restaurant for once?) But you need to determine if your frustration is stemming from an actual lack of respect for your plus one, or if you’re just having a bad day. “If you find yourself using terms like ‘never’ and ‘always,’ as in ‘you never help me clean,’ or ‘you always forget to help,’ you’re not just criticizing your partner—you’re assassinating their character,” explains Milhausen. “The way you criticize is the first thing to look out for. Of course we’re all going to complain, but there are ways to complain that aren’t personal attacks.” Instead, she suggests making an effort to use “I” messages, like, “I feel neglected when you care more about reddit than what I have to say,” instead of “you’re a terrible listener.”

You stop turning towards each other.

Couples who have unresolved, persistent conflict, and a pattern of low-grade hostility even when they're not fighting, quickly stop viewing the other person as a source of comfort, support, or partnership. They stop treating each other like friends: Planning fun things, confiding in each other, sharing their feelings, or even talking about their day. They pull back—often due to a (realistic) fear of being rejected or attacked if they're too vulnerable, says Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, licensed psychologist and marriage and family therapist and author of .

There’s a whole lot of contempt.

When you roll your eyes more than a tween does at a bad dad joke and you respond to each other with sarcasm (no, not the funny John Oliver kind), your marriage might be in trouble, says Milhausen. She adds that contempt usually stems from a relationship rupture—infidelity, secrecy, or another transgression. “Contempt is hard to come back from,” she explains. “It’s not ethical to behave in hurtful, cruel ways with your partner, and you shouldn't be treated that way either.” If you’re willing to work through the issue that’s at the root of this disgust, there’s hope, Milhausen says. But remember: You can’t cure contempt without discovering what started it.

Once respect is gone, you lose the foundation to rebuild your relationship.

Your partner is always on the defensive.

Whenever you raise a concern, does your significant other immediately throw back an excuse without taking responsibility for anything? “That's another indication that your marriage might not last," says Milhausen. "You need everyone at the table acknowledging their own part in the problems. When you’re defensive, there’s nowhere to build."

What a woman can do to keep a man?

Relationship advice for women: 8 tips to keep your man madly in love with you! Be his best friend. ... Be spontaneous and playful. ... Give him his...

Last updated May 10, 2021

Is orange slime mold harmful?

So, is slime mold bad? While slime molds are definitely unattractive, they are not harmful. Slime molds often appear in the spring due to the fact...

Last updated Sep 1, 2019

Promotion

Or, they’re withdrawn.

If your partner isn’t willing to talk about your difficulties then you won’t be able to fix them. Solving problems takes work, which means both team members need to contribute, even if you perceive one person to be at fault for your issues. You need to decide together if you’re invested enough to resolve what’s broken, says Milhausen.

You're avoiding each other.

Do you find yourself lingering longer at the office than you have to, or spending extra time aimlessly roaming the aisles of Target just so you don't have to go home? When you're supposed to be enjoying a Netflix binge, are you both zoning out on your phones, or going to bed at different times? These could be subconscious signals that you're unsatisfied, says relationship therapist and sex researcher .

Nope, it’s not just about how much sex you’re having, either.

“While most satisfied couples do have sex somewhat regularly—whether that means once a week or every few weeks—the key component is not how often couples have sex, but whether both partners are in agreement about the frequency," Murray says. "If you're each comfortable having sex once every few months, that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with the relationship, as long as you're connecting in other ways." Read: don’t underestimate the power of a good cuddle.

Escape fantasies start.

When relationship conflict isn't resolved and becomes increasingly toxic, people start to feel helpless. You don't know how it will change, and can't see a path forward. "So instead of communicating, you begin thinking about how else you can resolve the problem. Often, the easiest answer seems to be to disengage. (It is not actually that easy to divorce, as many couples come to find later)." You may start to fantasize about what life would be like if you lived apart. The vacations you'd take, the way you would spend your time, how you would parent...alone. "These daydreams often make people feel a little excited and hopeful, in contrast to the anger and hopelessness they feel about their marriage," Bobby explains. If the relationship is truly in a bad way, "Often, couples will look to milestones like the kids being out of the house as the point where they can finally be released. Other people wait for financial circumstances like a new job, a certain amount in savings or other material securities to come to fruition. However, they are counting down the days before the key unlocks the door that swings open towards freedom," Bobby says.

And arguing stops.

"Couples who care, still fight. Counterintuitive, but true," says Bobby. "Interestingly, when relationships are at death's door, fighting often stops. There is no longer active conflict because people have given up believing that change is possible. They have been hurt, frustrated, and disappointed so often that they have gotten the message: It doesn't matter what they do or say. So, they stop."

As does connection in general.

Do you essentially feel numb? "In a loveless marriage, conflict and active hostility are replaced by a frosty calm. People say please and thank you, they work as functional teams to parent and maintain a home, but they themselves are no longer part of the equation in an emotional sense," explains Bobby. "They no longer put in effort to be friends, show vulnerability, or give or receive compassion. Their partner has, on an emotional level, become the equivalent of a potentially unstable roommate that is best avoided."

New (negative) narratives appear.

"Once a couple is passed a certain point of damage, they develop different (and permanent) stories about each other, and about the relationship itself," says Bobby. For example, they start attributing their relationship problems to an enduring character trait of their partner, like "they're a narcissist" or "emotionally unstable because of their family." In their mind, their partner becomes an intrinsically flawed person who isn't able to love, or ever have a healthy relationship. Furthermore, the way they think about the entirety of their relationship changes. If asked to tell the 'story of us' they will often begin by focusing on negative aspects of their early partnership: the red flags they see, in retrospect, instead of the sweet anecdote about when they initially locked eyes on each other, Bobby explains.

What a woman can do to keep a man?

Relationship advice for women: 8 tips to keep your man madly in love with you! Be his best friend. ... Be spontaneous and playful. ... Give him his...

Last updated May 10, 2021

What is special in female body?

They have stronger immune systems. It is commonly known that women live longer than men, and this could be very well due to the fact that the...

Last updated Jul 10, 2019

Promotion

You feel more like "yourself" when you're apart.

As you grow more distant and change your fundamental perspective of each other, there might be a sense of repulsion, or at the very least, discomfort, when you're together. You may feel like "yourself" when you're away, be it at work, with friends, or even alone. "When your partner comes back into the picture, it's like putting on an itchy sweater... you're inhibited, careful, wary, and uncomfortable," says Bobby.

You're working around each other instead of with each other.

"In earlier states of relationship distress, couples may have fought for change, implored each other to see their point of view, and at least attempted a compromise. When a relationship is in the final stages of coming apart, people simply do their own thing without regard for what their partner might want or prefer. They make plans without checking in, they make large purchases without consent, they parent unilaterally. If they believe their partner will be unhappy with their decisions, they conceal them," explains Bobby.

But, take your circumstances into account.

Ask yourself if your behavior (or your spouse’s) is stemming from a particular stressor in your lives, like having to care for a sick parent. “If that's the case, go a little easy on yourself and your mate. You might just be using your relationship as an outlet," says Murray. "On the other hand, if everything else in your life seems fine, but you're still not at ease with your partner, it could be a signal that something in your relationship needs addressing." "You may see new sides of your partner in times of extreme stress,” Milhausen adds. "If you can give your partner the benefit of the doubt while you’re navigating this tough time, then there’s hope. But if you don’t consider the contextual factors which might be triggering their behavior, and you believe their actions are the result of a flawed personality trait, that’s problematic."

So: Can you fix your marriage?

Yes, but first you have to fix yourself. “Work on your own mental health,” advises Murray. “Our relationships can be an outlet where we unleash our frustrations and anger on our most important, safest person. Make sure that you're doing your own work to keep your anxiety, stress, and anger in check." Find what helps you, whether that's exercise, meditation (that is, if you have the patience) or a poignant self-help book. “If you're functioning at your best, you'll have a clearer mind to decide if this relationship has a future or not,” she says.

It takes motivation, of course.

You can try communicating, with or without a therapist, but if your heart’s not in it anymore, there’s no quick-and-easy fix. “If your partner's touch makes you recoil, a date night won’t make that better,” says Milhausen.

Not all marriages are meant to be forever—and that's okay.

No matter what, don't equate your unhappiness with failure.

“Not all relationships are meant to be forever. In fact, most are not," Milhausen says. "We grow and change based on the challenges that are thrown at us. It’s unrealistic that the person we meet when we’re 20 is going to be the person we need at 50." Though this initially might sound pretty bleak, Milhausen adds: "Relationships can bring something great to our lives, even if it’s only for a certain period of time. You get to make memories, experience deep love, and when that ends, you can move on to feel that way with another partner who'll meet your new needs." And don't forget: You can also do just fine all by yourself.

oprahdaily.com - 16 Unexpected Signs You May Be in a Loveless Marriage - Oprah Daily