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What are green flags?

“Green flags are positive indicators that a connection has the potential to flourish into a safe, healthy, lasting relationship,” Shanita Brown, PhD, a licensed clinical mental health counselor and instructor of counselor education at East Carolina University, tells SELF.

self.com - 8 Relationship Green Flags You Should Definitely Pay Attention To

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When it comes to relationship deal breakers, there’s virtually no end to the list. From seemingly harmless behaviors like love bombing to talking smack about exes, red flags get plenty of attention in the dating world—even if some people choose to ignore them. What you don’t hear about as often? Green flags in a relationship—you know, those promising signs that pop up and may shake you to your core because they’re so damn rare. “Green flags are positive indicators that a connection has the potential to flourish into a safe, healthy, lasting relationship,” Shanita Brown, PhD, a licensed clinical mental health counselor and instructor of counselor education at East Carolina University, tells SELF. “They’re a good sign that you’re compatible with that person and can form a healthy bond.” That all sounds lovely, and like what most people want in a partner, right? But in reality, green flags don’t always get the appreciation they deserve. “For many people, their default mode is to scan for red flags in relationships,” Kelly E. Green, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at St. Edward’s University in Austin, tells SELF. “We’re conditioned to look out for danger more than safety in most areas of our lives,” she says. This “negativity bias” isn’t entirely unhelpful, of course: It’s super important to look out for indicators of a toxic person. But by failing to note the good stuff, you could also miss out on something really great. That’s why we asked Dr. Green and other experts for their top relationship green flags. Surprisingly (or maybe not?), the list is far shorter than the red flags that should send you sprinting in the other direction.

1. They respect your boundaries, full stop.

The lines you draw for yourself in relationships are not only a way to ensure you feel comfortable and safe, but also to show yourself respect—and ask for respect from others. That’s why, according to Dr. Brown, when someone crosses those lines, or even slightly pushes them, you’re in red flag territory. On the flip side, when someone is respectful of and curious about your boundaries and needs, that’s a big ol’ green flag. It’s an “appreciation of your individuality” and an open-minded acceptance of those limits you’ve set for yourself, Dr. Brown says. If you tell a boundary-respecter that you don’t like to jog with other people because it’s your precious alone time, they might ask you about your feelings but they won’t guilt trip you, even if they’d prefer to hit the road together. If a certain sexual activity makes you uncomfortable and you’re simply not interested in doing it, they won’t get angry or continuously try to push for you to give in. Along with respect, honoring boundaries is also about “feeling supported and safe to be vulnerable,” Dr. Brown says. 2. They know how to express their feelings—or are actively working on their communication skills. You’ve heard it a million times for good reason: Communication is key in any healthy relationship. It won’t shock you to learn, then, that being able to talk with your partner in a productive and healthy way, in which you “both feel really seen and heard,” is the ultimate green flag, according to Dr. Green.

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What does a black heart mean?

What does black heart mean? A black heart describes someone or something seen as innately evil or fundamentally corrupt.

dictionary.com - black heart Meaning & Origin | Slang by Dictionary.com

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Across many cultures, humans have long believed the heart governed emotion, thought, and character—and was even the seat of the soul itself. The color black, meanwhile, has ancient associations with evil, evoking darkness, storms, decay, and death. In Old English, we can find both heart used for a persons’s emotional and moral center and black characterizing something as “wicked.” Black-hearted, or “malevolent,” doesn’t appear until at least the 1630s. A black heart, specifically, emerges in record by the 1700s and 1800s, often appearing in literary contexts to describe a melancholy, hateful person with evil intentions. In agricultural contexts, black heart has named a type of dark-colored cherry since the 17th century, and since the late 18th century, various diseases of plants, especially potatoes, that cause them to rot inside out. This black heart, drawing on black‘s sense of “rottenness” and heart as “core,” may have influenced increasing uses of black heart as a metaphor for systemic moral corruption in the 20th and 21st centuries. As one movie reviewer memorably commented on the 2006 documentary on the fraudulent Enron Corporation, “Enron was the twisted black heart of everything wrong with American capitalism.” In the late 20th century, many black scholars, writers, artists, activists, and everyday people began variously using black heart to express pride in and love of their black identity and experience, reclaiming the long, historical racism against blackness. On social media, they may use the black heart emoji, released in 2016, for emphasis.

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