Infatuation Rules
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What are emotionally unavailable men scared of?

When someone is emotionally unavailable, they are terrified of emotions. They are afraid of sharing because they likely have their own fears about opening up to someone.

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He will likely have some kind of awareness that he isn’t showing up in the way you’re wanting and needing. Because of this, if he says something that lands wrong or if you question something about his motive, you’ll hear a defensive response. This irritability on his end is because he’s operating with a sense of self denial (he may tell himself he doesn’t need a more emotional relationship, or he may want to be in a relationship, but not with you, and he needs to keep all the true feelings far away from himself so he doesn’t feel compelled to make changes). It’s not your job to help someone be less defensive; it’s your job to listen to his actions and energy and decide if this is healthy for you (hint: it likely is not!) Now, in healthy relationships, we all have defensiveness that can come up, and those are work-able with. However, when it’s in a relationship that is wobbly and had little emotional connection, and there is a lot of defensiveness, you want to be careful and notice that.

7. Lacking excitement, romance and growing love

Healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationships grow with time. Though the initial infatuation settles, what does grow is a feeling of excitement of being with someone who understands you, a growing romantic dynamic that comes with ease and an anchoring love and connectedness. Relationships the steady foundations to our emotional health, and when you’re in a healthy relationship, you will feel steadier. This doesn’t mean you wont have conflict, but it means that you have the capacity to move past disagreements and grow, together. Your love becomes richer and more calming to both of you, as you stay emotionally attuned and caring to one another, and to the relationship. But when you’re with someone emotionally unavailable, you won’t feel any of the warm fuzzy feelings around your heart. You may have some good feelings, but there’s a feeling of stagnation where the good isn’t growing and the love is deepening. If you notice a lack of spark and joy, don’t ignore that feeling; listen in.

8. Judgement around sharing emotions instead of vulnerability being seen as beautiful.

Relationships are all about vulnerability, trust and care. Sharing emotions is about letting someone else into our heart and giving them a chance at getting closer to us. When someone is emotionally unavailable, they are terrified of emotions. They are afraid of sharing because they likely have their own fears about opening up to someone. But since they have a fierce wall of protection, you may not get to see their feelings, but when you share yours, you will be met with a feeling of judgement. But please do know that just because he has fears about getting attached and responding to your emotional sharing, it does not mean that your feelings are bad or wrong to share. Judgement about your emotions may be a warning sign that he will either continuously shut you down emotionally, or will leave when he feels threatened emotionally. This is a toxic dynamic to stay in, so please honor your heart and find a way to leave the relationship if this dynamic is present.

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Will an emotionally unavailable man ever commit?

They Are Slow to Commit to You An emotionally unavailable person is typically not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of person will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.

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Their Past Remains a Mystery to You

This type of person is also hardly ever open, honest, and forthright with you about the happenings in their past. And while they certainly don't need to divulge every single detail about their relationship history and life story, it's important to keep in mind that having a strong relationship means that you and your partner openly share with one another and get to know each other on a deeper level. However, if they choose to keep you completely in the dark about key details of their past, this can be a sign that they are emotionally cut off since they're refusing to let you know more about their life. When a person chooses to be a closed book, it's a major warning sign. Further, if they don't open up and you find out they've never been in a serious or committed relationship, take that as a warning sign. This combination could indicate that they're scared of intimacy, notes licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl.

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