Infatuation Rules
Photo: Markus Spiske
According to Funsten, there are three major roots of conflict: limited resources, unmet needs, and different values, with the source of conflict lying in the descriptors (“limited,” “unmet,” “different”).
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Read More »For professionals, in the real estate industry or otherwise, acknowledging that emotion does, in fact, play a part in negotiations and conflict can feel like an admission of weakness, but it is often the first step in acting more logically. Equally important is to take that acknowledgment and apply it constructively. According to Funsten, there are three basic ways to approach conflict resolution, one of which is superior to the others. The first two approaches can result in conflict resolution, but usually, do not fully satisfy both parties: “passive,” she says, “is ‘I’m going to put your needs ahead of mine,’ and aggressive is ‘I’m going to put my needs ahead of yours.’” While both of these approaches can resolve a conflict by way of letting it go or overpowering the other party, neither is as effective nor as constructive as the third: “assertive is ‘I’m going to try to meet everybody’s needs.’” By approaching conflict from an assertive place, Funsten says, conflict can be resolved in a way that leaves both parties better off than before, whether in a business relationship or a personal one. That said, there may still be times in which a conflict simply cannot be effectively resolved despite the best efforts of one party because the other party is unwilling or unable to contribute to the resolution. So how do you learn to say no or set boundaries? For Funsten, the answer is all about respect. “I can say no to anybody as long as I know that they feel respected by me,” she says, and suggests saying no from a place of assertiveness – that is, ‘I’m trying to meet both of our needs, and because of that I have to say no.’ On the whole, respect is probably the most important factor in conflict resolution, whether in real estate, another business industry, or a personal relationship. You should never be trying to trick anyone into saying yes, Funsten says, whether in sales or in your personal life – rather, you should be looking at people who should be saying yes but are saying no because they don’t understand how a decision to say yes could benefit them. Your goal, then, is to move them from a no to a yes by helping them to understand why it is in their best interests to do so. But, if they should still say no, it’s important to respect their answer and leave them there.
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Read More »A point that Robin Funsten also likes to make with her clients, often as a kind of parting gift, as that conflict resolution requires practice, and isn’t a one-and-done learning experience. It requires personal accountability as well, and an understanding of how you may contribute to conflict along with someone else. Pointing fingers is easy, Funsten says, but it never works to resolve a conflict. At its core, she concludes, “conflict resolution, simply, is just effective communication.” To learn more about conflict resolution and Robin Funsten, visit RobinFunsten.com or CommunityConflictSolutions.com.
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