Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Anna Shvets
Based on the data, women report the highest rate of infidelity in their 60s, but the rate goes sharply down in their 70s and 80s. Historic data suggests that men have always been more likely to cheat. But in the 1990s, the infidelity rate peaked among men in their 50s.
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Read More »While anyone could get caught up in the thorny throes of an affair, studies show that men are more likely to commit infidelity than women. An extensive study published in AARP magazine found that 46 percent of men reported cheating on their partners in the past, compared to 21 percent of women. Another report from the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) found that in marriages specifically about twice as many men cheat. But the IFS data also shows that age plays a role in who is cheating, how much, and when. Among those under 30, the number of married men and women who cheat is about the same (10 percent versus 11 percent). However, as we age, the gap between how many men and how many women cheat grows. Sure, you might be thinking men in mid-life are most likely to stray, but it's actually a bit older than that. The infidelity rate among men in their 70s is the highest. Read on to learn more, and if you're worried about your spouse, check out The Biggest Tell-Tale Sign Your Partner Is Cheating, Experts Say. Using data from their 2017 General Social Survey, the IFS found that 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women say they've had sex with someone other than their spouse. But later, among those aged 50 to 69, about 24 percent of men cheat, compared to 16 percent of women. After that, during ages 70 to 79, 13 percent of women cheat, while 26 percent of men cheat. Interestingly enough, the number remains relatively high for men in their later years, too: 24 percent of men 80 years or older report cheating while only 6 percent of women say the same. Based on the data, women report the highest rate of infidelity in their 60s, but the rate goes sharply down in their 70s and 80s.
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Telling someone how you went through a similar experience as they did is different from trying to show how you've had it worse. The first is where you show you resonate with the other person and use that empathy to connect. The second is a competition. It's true that many people have been conditioned to have some sort of seemingly objective metric of what's worse—we prioritize physical health ailments over mental health difficulties, and for anyone who appears to be living comfortably, we dismiss it with the label "First World problems" over someone who is in abject conditions. Sometimes we're filled with indignation if we've been through "worse" and think, "How dare they?" Or sometimes, we genuinely believe someone is being weak and should just "suck it up" because we have done so ourselves. Importantly, we need to be aware of these biases and to realize that pain isn't a competition. Regardless of a person's diagnosable condition or lifestyle, pain is pain. When we try to convince them their situation isn't so bad, we are effectively invalidating their experiences and alienating them. The fix: Be aware of why you feel the need to "compete"—is it because this is the only way you'll feel validated or feel some respite from your experiences? Sometimes, honesty is the best gift we can give ourselves, no matter how scary it is. This way, we can truly have empathy for ourselves and others. If you find it hard to express compassion for someone else, perhaps ask yourself, "What would I want someone to say to me in my position?"
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