Should you talk to ex after breaking up?

Most experts agree: you should not reach out to your ex unless you hope to salvage a treasured friendship. The impulse to reach out to an ex, whether it is because you still have feelings for them, you are seeking comfort and familiarity, or you simply want to know how they are doing, is often a bad idea.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Below are some frequently asked questions related to reconnecting with an ex-partner.

Can Ex-Lovers Be Friends?

Whether ex-lovers can remain friends after a breakup is often a matter of opinion and personal circumstances. If you have been in a relationship with someone and both agree that you are better off as friends instead of lovers, it may be possible to remain friends. However, you and your ex may consider your feelings about the friendship to decide whether it's best to remain friends or completely disconnect. If you and your ex decide to be friends, establish boundaries within the friendship and try to be respectful of each other's feelings if either of you begins to feel that remaining friends was not the best idea.

Is There A Reason Why You Shouldn't Reach Out To Your Ex?

While some couples can end a relationship and choose to remain friends, this is not always the case. When you go through a breakup, you may choose to allow yourself time to heal away from your ex-partner. Before you talk again, consider the following.

Does Your Ex Want To Talk To You?

If your ex is not trying to contact you, they may not be ready to communicate or do not wish to be reached. In this case, consider taking time alone and giving your ex space. If you want to know how they feel, try checking in once. If they do not respond or tell you to leave them alone, respect their wishes and do not try again unless they reach out to you. Repeated contact with someone asking you to stop can be considered stalking or harassment.

Did Your Relationship End On Positive Terms?

If your relationship did not end on favorable terms, you might find that reaching out to your ex doesn't yield the results you hope for. You may find positivity and hope in other areas, such as through friends, family, pets, or hobbies.

Who Ended The Relationship?

If you broke up with your ex and are feeling guilty or second-guessing yourself, consider how your ex feels. They may not feel ready to talk or could have felt hurt by your decision. If your ex left you, try to remember why and ask yourself what they might think if you reach out.

Are You Still In Love With Your Ex?

Are you considering reaching out to your ex because you love them? You may be missing a memory or an idea of your ex. Additionally, you could feel lonely, or your need might not be met in a current relationship.

If you got back together with your ex and everything remained the same as when you broke up, would you feel happy or satisfied with it?

How Long Does It Take For Exes To Get Back Together?

Exes may not get back together in many cases. In the cases where exes do reconcile, there may not be a specific timeline. In these cases, reconciling could take a few days to a few years. If you want to get back together with your ex, starting an open conversation and utilizing active listening could be beneficial. Going "no contact" may mean not speaking to someone any longer. You might block their profiles, ignore their messages, or publicly avoid them. Utilizing this strategy to get your ex to move on may or may not work. If your ex still loves you or hopes to reconnect, he may feel he is "waiting" for you to reach out. Instead of ignoring him, consider letting him know you're not interested in speaking or interacting with him anymore before you go no contact. Different people may respond to no contact differently. They might experience the following.

Confusion

If you went no contact without warning, your ex might have expected you to text, talk, or call them. They may feel confused if they don't receive any notice from you.

Regret

If your relationship ended on unfavorable terms, your ex might start to regret their behavior or the circumstances that led up to the breakup. They could want to apologize or reconcile.

Speculation

Your ex might wonder if you have met someone new or started another relationship due to your level of contact.

Mutual Friends

Your ex might go up to mutual friends or people in your life to ask about your or gain information on what you are doing. After a breakup, you might wonder if your ex will miss you. Some people may immediately have feelings of loneliness and miss their ex. Others may experience moments of missing an ex that come and go. In other cases, an ex may not miss you at all, or you might find that you do not miss your ex and feel a sense of relief without them.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Is Over You?

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Your ex might be over you if they exhibit the following signs:

They treat you the same as others

They show no signs of jealousy when you date or see other people

They return your belongings or keepsakes from the relationship

They unfollow or block you on social media

They ignore your attempts to contact them

They start dating someone new

How Do I Know If My Ex Still Loves Me?

Wanting to know if your ex still has feelings for you can be natural. Some possible signs may include the following:

They like or comment on your social media posts

They show up at events you go to

They try to talk to you or strike up a conversation

They tell you they still care

They act interested in being friends

They make playlists about you

After a breakup, you may notice your ex trying to contact you while in a new relationship. This behavior might make sense if you have children together or unresolved matters to care for. However, there may be no reason for your ex to contact you, and it could make you uncomfortable or confused. Your ex may want to make you feel jealous or reconnect as friends. Consider having a conversation to discern the reasoning behind his efforts. If you're not interested in reconnecting, let him know.

How Do I Know If My Breakup Is Final?

You may know your breakup is final if your ex or you declare it is. If one of you isn't willing to reconnect, they may make it known. On the other hand, your breakup could be final if one of you moves away or starts a new relationship. If your ex comes back and wants to reconnect, you may choose to end the relationship forever or give it another shot.

Do Guys Miss You After A Breakup?

An ex may miss you after a breakup. It can often depend on the length and state of the relationship or whether you or your ex initiated the breakup. If you're unsure whether your ex misses you, focus on yourself until you feel you have moved on from the relationship enough to talk to your ex.

Why Is My Ex Keeping In Touch?

Aside from having children in common or needing to communicate about responsibilities, there are several reasons an ex may try to keep in touch with you. An ex might continue to talk to you because they want you in their life, or they might want to try to get back together. For some, the familiarity of talking to someone that they once spent a great deal of time with could relieve feelings of loneliness or feel comfortable. Some individuals feel they can remain close after a breakup without negative emotions. In these cases, your ex might want you as a friend. Some exes might feel guilty for going "no contact" after a breakup and want to keep up with you to indicate it wasn't personal. Think about how this makes you feel and whether staying in touch feels like a healthy choice for you. Before considering contact with an ex after having no contact, try to remember why you parted ways in the first place. If your relationship ended because of abuse or you felt in danger, it may be best to avoid contact.

Is It Healthy To Keep In Touch With An Ex?

Keeping in touch with an ex can be healthy in some situations. It may depend on why your relationship ended and what you intend to do as friends. However, if you constantly think of your ex and feel you cannot move on from them, keeping in touch might not be healthy until you can stop feeling romantic feelings toward them. If you were friends beforehand and a relationship didn't work out, it might feel natural to return to being friends. However, if you're trying to be friends in hopes of getting back together, the situation may not end how you hope. If you broke up for a healthy reason, staying friends could make it hard to keep to your decision. If you see your ex as a secondary option or a backup to being alone, this may not be a healthy mindset. Your ex may deserve someone who loves them and commits to them if that is what they want.

How Long Before You Should Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup?

You may want to wait at least 30 days before you speak to your ex after a breakup. You might wait longer if you were together for a few years or more and broke up. Often, a few months to a year can be a suitable amount of time to wait for many individuals. If you're still upset about your breakup, give yourself as much time as you need to feel comfortable. You do not have to talk to your ex again if you don't want to.

Can You Truly Be Friends With An Ex?

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If you were friends with your ex beforehand, it might be possible to be friends again. However, there could be difficult emotions involved. Many exes find themselves having urges to sleep together or be close in non-platonic ways. You might feel that you and your ex are dating again but find that they are in a relationship with someone else. If you hope to be friends with an ex, keep communication open. Discuss your needs in the relationship and set boundaries if necessary.

Why Do Some Exes Keep In Touch?

Exes may keep in touch because they love each other platonically and romantically. They may find that they still value each other's presence and don't want to lose the connection. At times, however, they may want to continue to have a physical relationship without any rules or commitment, which can be normal if it feels healthy to both partners. Sometimes people stay in touch with their ex because they want to get back together and hope it may happen someday. In these cases, they may feel led on or hurt if their ex doesn't want to get back together. If you're unsure whether your reason for being in your ex's life is healthy, consider speaking with a counselor. A therapist may be able to examine your thoughts and emotions to help you come to a conclusion.

Should I Confront My Ex For Closure?

Confronting your ex may not be beneficial. If you had an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you might feel worse or be exposed to potentially dangerous situations if you confront your ex. Instead, find closure by working on self-growth, seeing a counselor, or doing things you love.

How Do I Stop Wanting To Talk To My Ex?

If you struggle to stop thinking about your ex, it may mean you haven't processed the emotions from your relationship or your breakup. You may still love your ex and could've gotten into another relationship too soon or pushed yourself to ignore your emotions for a while. Studies show that suppressing your emotions can have mental and physical consequences. Therefore, discussing your feelings with a therapist or writing them in a journal could be beneficial. Try to let out any thoughts or feelings on paper whenever a thought about your ex arises. If you feel a judgmental thought about your feelings, try to dispel it. It can be normal to still love your ex for a long time after your breakup. It doesn't necessarily mean that you want to be with them or won't stop loving them someday. You may find that processing and validating your emotions helps you release them.

How Do I Talk To My Ex I Still Love?

If you are still speaking to your ex-partner and feel love for them, ask yourself if it is healthy. Are you hurting because of your relationship status? Would it be healthier for you to spend some time alone? If so, a counselor, friend, or family may be able to help you leave the friendship.

Will My Ex Ever Reach Out?

Everyone can be different after a breakup. Your ex might reach out someday, and they might not. Learning to live with uncertainty and accept situations you can't control may benefit you. You might try a skill, such as radical acceptance, from DBT. If your ex does reach out, you can decide how to react when it happens. Consider having a plan for this situation about what you'll say, what boundaries you need to set, and how you'll receive support if necessary.

Why Do I Still Love My Ex?

If you love your ex, it can be normal. You may have had a meaningful connection with them for a significant amount of time. They could have once been a close relationship in your life, and it can be challenging to transition from seeing someone all the time to not seeing them anymore. At times, relationship breakups can cause symptoms of grief. In these cases, you might find that your feelings for your ex cycle confusingly. You may feel angry, sad, lonely, or loving toward them on different days. You may not have wanted the breakup to happen, and it did. Understanding that a situation has ended may not always mean your feelings go away. If you want to work to let go of your ex or deal with your grief, speaking to a counselor could be a valuable choice.

betterhelp.com - Should I Talk to My Ex or Stay Away? - BetterHelp

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