Should you pucker your lips when kissing?

Mrs Salisbury says: "Let how you feel towards the other person be expressed through your lips." Good advice for kissers of all experience levels. Present relaxed soft lips rather than puckered up, start gently and only gradually build up the pressure.

stuff.co.nz - Don't pucker up, and other advice on how to be a great kisser | Stuff.co.nz

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Psychologist Robyn Salisbury helps a reader with a relationship dilemma.

QUESTION: I'm 16 and haven't even kissed anyone yet. How do I go about this and how am I meant to know when it's OK to do it? Our health lessons have not covered this at all. Somehow we're meant to know what makes a good kiss, never mind how to be a good lover. I've looked at a bit of porn, but get few details about kissing beyond a sucking, grinding motion. When I push my hand on my face like that it does not feel good. Can you give me some guidelines please?

* Dear Mrs Salisbury: Why do I fantasise about my boyfriend's father?

* I want to feel pleasure but I just... don't

* Dear Mrs Salisbury: He doesn't want to passionately kiss me any more ANSWER: Great question; you're well on your way to being a good lover by caring enough to think about such things. Luscious kissing is certainly important, both for the in-the-moment pleasure and intimacy and for the feelgood hormones it releases. Like all things sexual, there is no one right way – kissing likes and dislikes are very subjective. I will outline some ideas to allow you to feel prepared, then it will be a matter of gentle trial and error with plenty of self and other checking in, at least on partner body language to learn if what you are doing is pleasurable to them. 123RF Mrs Salisbury says: "Let how you feel towards the other person be expressed through your lips." Good advice for kissers of all experience levels. Present relaxed soft lips rather than puckered up, start gently and only gradually build up the pressure. Let how you feel towards the other person be expressed through your lips. Oral and body hygiene is important to make you good to be close to. Open mouths and tongue involvement shouldn't be rushed into and definitely needs to be negotiated. If you're a lipstick wearer, be aware that can be messy for both but a little bit of clear gloss or saliva can add a slipperiness factor that some enjoy. Avoid trying too hard, being tense, too much slobber and chapped lips. You can use your hands as well to softly touch your partner's face or the back of their neck. Consent is important but it's not compulsory to formally make a verbal request to kiss. There's a whole dance of intimacy that goes on between two people that may begin with talking, dancing or some other activity you're engaged in. Then the build-up of eye contact when one signals: "I'm interested in you." If that's you, watch the other carefully for the response. If this is reciprocated, then move in a little closer, again noting what happens. Move your eyes to the other's lips as you slowly move your lips into contact. Enjoy.

Robyn Salisbury is a clinical psychologist. Send questions to MrsSalisbury@sextherapy.co.nz.

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