Photo: Bo Stevens

Should you chase the dumper?

Chasing your ex will only prevent them from being able to recognize and feel those things. Though it is difficult, if you truly want to know how to get your ex back, you must resist the urge to chase, beg, pursue, and contact your ex. I realize that doing so is counter to what you feel you want to do and should do.

myexbackcoach.com - Does Your Ex Want You To Chase Them? - My Ex Back Coach

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Does your ex want you to chase him or her?

Do you need to give into chasing your ex in order to get them back?

Get your ex back with Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit!

I discuss that issue in the video above so be sure to watch it all the way through first (very important) and then read this article to the end. The more you know, the better your chances of getting back together with your ex. If you are asking and wondering if your ex wants you to chase, I explain in the video above that the answer is most likely, “Yes.” Just as I explain in my article (and video) entitled, “Does your ex want you to contact them?”

So yes, your ex wants you to chase them.

They also want you to contact them.

In my mind, there is no mystery there.

But just because your ex wants you to chase does not mean that you should. Just because they want it to happen does not mean that it will bring them back if you do it.

In fact, it will most likely do the exact opposite!

Get your ex back with Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit!

The reason that your ex wants you to chase and wants you to contact him or her is to feed their ego. Even if you think that your ex is a terrific, humble, and genuine person, he/she has an ego. And if your ex was the one who broke up with you, their ego received a powerful boost.

What Your Ex Received From Breaking Up With You

You see, even though breaking up with you and the pain that it caused you wasn’t something that your ex wished on you (unless you had an absolutely terrible relationship of fighting, hurt, resentment, and anger), your ex felt a lift to their sense of personal attraction (physically and emotionally) when he/she dumped you. That is, your ex felt sexier and more desirable after they broke up with you. The reason that your ex felt more attractive after breaking up with you is because it was your ex who set you aside, rejected you, and basically said, “You aren’t good enough for me.” It was their choice and your ex perceives you as being the one who wanted them but they didn’t want you as much in return. No matter what excuse or reason your ex offered you for why the breakup had to happen, most “reasons” are just vague excuses that your ex knows you can’t argue with such as: “I need to improve myself,” “I’m not ready for a relationship,” “There’s just so much going on,” etc). The main reason for a breakup is a fall in attraction. Your ex wasn’t as attracted to you as they once were. If your ex’s attraction to you was strong enough – emotionally and physically – he/she would have found a way to stay. They would have worked on the relationship, figured out the issues that life had thrown their way, fought, and endured whatever it took to be with you.

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But since attraction fell, their motivation fell. I’m sorry to say that and I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but all is not lost. There is hope. That’s what I’m here for. So your ex felt above you to some degree since he/she was the one dumping you. When you don’t chase your ex, beg, plead, or contact them, your ex usually begins to doubt their attraction level somewhat or a lot. What’s more, you actually feed your ex’s ego by doing those things (begging, pleading, contacting, chasing, reaching out, calling, etc.).

Get your ex back with Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit!

But by not contacting your ex, you turn the tables a bit.

Chasing your ex, on the other hand, is an ego stroke for them. So it should not come as a surprise that your ex would like and enjoy that. If you chase your ex, he or she will feel more attractive and confident.

It’s flattering.

Who would not like feeling like that?

If you want your ex to come back, however, chasing them is the worst thing that you could do.

When you chase, you ingrain yourself in backup-plan mode with your ex.

That means that they will feel even less attraction for you due to your chasing. Your ex will also not feel the consequences of the breakup or any kind of feeling of loss from not having you as a lover, boyfriend, or girlfriend. The reason they won’t feel this loss is because they don’t feel that there is any risk of losing you. Your ex will feel that he/she can get you back at any point if they so desire.

That’s why your ex puts you in backup-plan mode.

Instead of Chasing, Do This To Get Your Ex Back

Your ex must feel the loss from the breakup and in order for that to happen, they can’t feel that you are easily gotten back right away. Your ex must feel concern or fear that you could move on and if you are chasing and pursuing your ex, they have no reason to feel any concern that you’ll move on.

Why?

Because you are showing them that they haven’t lost your attraction to them and, subsequently, your desire to be with them.

So their actions have had zero negative consequences.

Your ex still feels desired and they have the reassurance that if they were to ever change their mind they could get you back and pick up as though nothing ever happened.

There’s no concern of negative consequences.

However, when you don’t chase or pursue your ex, they wonder why and that will often make them start to examine and consider their decision of breaking up with you.

Was it a mistake?

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Did they leave a good relationship or even a great one?

Did they leave the love of their life?

The concern and anxiety can compound and grow and you might even notice the signs that your ex wants you back. This will also often lead to them being concerned or even afraid that you are moving on or at least that you could. This is key because it’s the only time when your ex can truly feel at least some of the loss of the breakup and that is required to getting them to want you back. It is only when your ex feels loss, misses you, and recognizes the importance that their relationship with you held in their life that they will take action to attempt to get back together with you.

It’s how you make your ex chase you again.

That is because you are feeling the polar opposite to your ex.

You feel the loss.

The loss of your ex, the loss of the relationship, and the loss of control. Your ex, on the other hand, feels empowered and in control of the entire situation. You must pull the rug out from underneath them, so to speak, so that they feel the loss of control, the loss of you, and the loss of the relationship. When that happens, your ex will feel what you feel now – the intense desire to reunite. Your ex will then be the one reaching out to you, wanting to talk and asking (or maybe even begging) for you to consider taking them back. Your ex might even be a bit desperate and begin to chase you! In order for the tables to turn and the roles to switch, you must resist the urge to chase or else your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend will continue to feel in control, more attractive than you, and that you are their backup plan should they ever change their mind (but they are very unlikely to if you chase). It will take resolve, discipline, and knowledge to avoid doing the wrong things that will push your ex away. If you want your ex back, you can put my two decades of experience to work for you! Get more information on my Emergency Breakup Kit.

--Coach Lee

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myexbackcoach.com - Does Your Ex Want You To Chase Them? - My Ex Back Coach

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