Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Mark Neal
For instance, “if you went no-contact as a way of trying to get your ex back, yes, you can reach out to them in hopes that the no-contact period gave them enough time to distance themselves from the bad memories and start to miss you,” says Leckie.
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Read More »The first step in deciding whether or not to text your ex after the no-contact window has expired is to remember why you decided to shut down all communication in the first place. “Not everyone has the foresight to do this, but a no-contact period is a great idea because it keeps former partners from slipping back into a quasi-relationship, which only makes things confusing and hurting both parties further,” Erika Martinez, a clinical psychologist in Miami, tells Elite Daily. “It can be an important agreement, especially in cases when either partner isn't 100 percent sure whether they want to end the relationship but need some space from the relationship to process.” If that sounds familiar, the key here is to make sure that you have, in fact, given yourself the time you need to heal and find that clarity about your feelings. If that hasn’t happened yet, you’re more likely to confuse yourself further by reaching out to an ex prematurely. There is another common reason why you may have built a communication blockade, and that was for self-preservation. “Impose a no-contact anytime you feel as though your former partner is taking the relationship split the wrong way. You don't need or deserve the drama of their constant prodding and inquiry. [Or because] you feel like you are in danger of any harassment or stalking from you ex,” Chris Armstrong, founder of the relationship coaching company Maze of Love, tells Elite Daily. Then, you should have very strong second thoughts about reaching out to them again. “I would never recommend putting time parameters on when to re-engage contact. Instead, re-engage contact when you feel safe from potential regress that may occur because you have not fully healed. Or when you feel safe from harassment that your ex may engage in because they are not fully healed,” he advises.
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Read More »The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.
Some people try to use the no-contact rule as a form of manipulation (i.e., a way to get your ex to miss you so much, they want you back). But despite what some people will tell you on the internet, no contact is not particularly effective for getting an ex back. Just because some people have exes who reached out to them after a period of no contact doesn't mean this will be the case for everyone. Moreover, trying to reduce your former partner to a formula or trying to control their behavior to meet your own needs is not very empathetic. Attempting to use the no-contact rule this way may be a sign that you have your own inner work to do that's a barrier to your relationship working. This strategy can also be unhealthy for you because it keeps you psychologically attached to a past relationship, slowing down your healing process. Instead, the no-contact rule should be about you and helping yourself move on from your ex. It's an integral tool of self-empowerment. You want to get to the place where you're able to say, "With or without you, my life is going to be amazing."
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