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Is it worse to dump or be dumped?

No contest here, dumping is a breeze compared to being dumped. Being dumped is like getting the sack from work but worse because it feels like someone's just sacked you from your own life.

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Poor Fearne Cotton says she's always getting dumped but is that really worse than being the one who's doing the dumping?

MARS

No contest here, dumping is a breeze compared to being dumped.

Being dumped is like getting the sack from work but worse because it feels like someone's just sacked you from your own life. Being dumped is like opening your front door and finding your home's missing and there's just a great big gaping hole of nothingness where all the stuff you did used to exist.

Being dumped is like someone taking away your telly. Forever.

Well, that's what being dumped is like for me. It discombobulates you. Your world is not so much turned upside down as emphatically flushed down the toilet. And the worst thing is that there is nothing you can do about it. It's out of your control. You're the victim of a love robbery and the fact that you know the identity of the person who nicked your heart makes not a jot of difference. Fearne Cotton says she's always getting dumped because she hates giving up on relationships. It's a noble reason for failing but you'd think she'd have developed enough of a rhino skin by now to change sides and jump aboard the big, fat dumper truck. Dumping is one of those wonderfully decisive things you can do to make you feel a whole lot better about yourself. It's empowering. That's why we all get a kick out of watching Siralan doing it on The Apprentice. Granted it's not pleasant, but however much it pains you while you're doing it, by the time you scarper you feel like a can-do kind of guy. It's emotional house-keeping. In a sick sort of way it can give you the same pleasure as de-friending folk on Facebook. Of course I'm not saying I'm any good at it. My attempts at explaining why 'it's not you it's me' to various dumpees over the years have rarely been smooth affairs. I seem to recall one early effort ended up with her having to comfort me as my tears of remorse dribbled down onto my crab salad. But practice makes perfect. Now I'm so good at it I haven't got anyone at all. D'oh!

VENUS

When it comes to human suffering, being dumped is up there with childbirth and root canal treatment. And anyone who claims they'd rather be the dumpee than the dumper is quite frankly lying. I remember the first time I was given the love-sack as though it were yesterday (it was 19 years ago). Daniel* introduced me to cool new bands I'd never heard of which was pretty much my only requirement of a boyfriend back then. Therefore, he was perfect. Then, out of the blue, after two-and-a-half blissful months of snogging and working our way through his vinyl collection, he delivered the news.

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To this day, it remains one of the most upsetting days of my life. This is partly because he insisted on picking me up in his crappy Ford Fiesta and driving me back to his so he could do the deed on his own turf, then left me to walk back home in the rain. And it's partly because he was too cowardly to spit it straight out, and instead, paced up and down the room for half an hour chasing a blue bottle with a bright yellow fly swat. The fly escaped. I was the one who received the mighty blow. "This time next week, you'll feel a hell of a lot better than you do today. This time, next year you'll have forgotten all about him." Mum said to console me. That time the following week I discovered he'd been shagging Debbie The Bike from the upper sixth, all along. That time the following year I was dumped by boyfriend number two.

But with the benefit of hindsight and experience, I can see that Mum did have a point. You do always get over it and The One is always replaced eventually by Another One. And at least when you're the victim you don't have to deal with the guilt, right?

So if my new man (who has agreed to be known henceforth in this column as The Rock Star) dumped me now, it would be like water off a duck's back, right?

Wrong. Because, let's face it, when your beloved tells you he just ain't that into you, hindsight takes a hike - along with your sanity – and once again you're back to being 16 again: "This one's different. He really is The One. Honestly, you don't understand. I know I said this the last seven times but I really never will get over it this time. I will never go out again. In fact, I will spend the rest of my life in these pyjamas, listening to dodgy power ballads and scoffing industrial sized bags of Revels..." So, if I ever see The Rock Star wielding a fly swat I'm getting in there first.

cosmopolitan.com - Is it better to dump or be dumped? - Cosmopolitan

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