In essence a narcissist refers to someone who is self-involved, needs constant attention, and lacks empathy. Many people can have narcissistic traits, but when these traits are persisting and unchangeable, it may meet the criteria for a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) diagnosis. The two subtypes of NPD are covert/vulnerable narcissism and grandiose narcissism. Moreover, it is believed that narcissists alternate between both depending on the situation or life circumstances.1, 2, 3, 4, 5
There are two main subcategories of NPD, which are:
Covert or vulnerable narcissism : Vulnerable or covert narcissists may be more insecure and vulnerable, making them more difficult to identify
: Vulnerable or covert narcissists may be more insecure and vulnerable, making them more difficult to identify Grandiose narcissism: People with this subtype exhibit a feeling of superiority and may be what most people imagine narcissism looks like
Why Are Narcissists More Prone to Cheat?
Not all narcissists cheat, but rates of infidelity are higher among them. Unlike conventional cheaters, narcissistic cheaters can feel greater self-entitlement, impulsivity, suffer from control issues, and experience a lack of empathy and remorse. Furthermore, narcissists are pleasure-seeking by nature and may constantly look for new sources of narcissistic supply, which makes adulterous acts and serial cheating more likely to occur.6
7 Narcissistic Cheating Patterns
Although not all narcissists are cheaters, there is still a high probability that they will cheat. It is also likely that the cheating narcissist has developed a set of tactics to enable their deceitful behavior. Thus, identifying these patterns sooner rather than later can potentially shield you from additional hurt and preserve your overall well being.
While every relationship is different, below are seven signs of narcissistic cheating:
1. Lying
Dishonesty, lying, and secrecy are almost always present in any form of infidelity, and narcissists are masters of deceit. Your narcissistic partner likely used their charming persona to draw you in, but they know this façade can fall apart at any given moment. To prevent this, they’ll lie about everything, even the tiniest things that, in their eyes, could taint the “perfect” image they’ve created. So, if you notice that your narcissist partner is lying about trivial stuff, chances are they are lying about bigger things too, such as infidelity.5, 7
2. Defensiveness
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Don’t expect admission of wrongdoing when questioning a narcissist about cheating. In fact, they may take offense to it, turn the blame on you, claim you drove them to cheat, gaslight you, or flat out deny it. Narcissists dread losing control and having their conduct come into question, which is why defensiveness is common. It can also help prevent any type of narcissistic injury. Their defensiveness in and of itself is undoubtedly the most compounding confirmation that cheating is going on.6, 8 ,9
When a narcissist is cheating, they will think you are too, or may flip the script to make it seem that way. Your narcissist counterpart almost certainly has a distorted notion that showing a strong aversion towards infidelity won’t make you suspicious of them. They will typically do this while targeting you with accusations, harassment, and harsh judgements of suspected infidelity. Unfortunately, this common narcissist tactic can put you at a disadvantage because instead of confronting your narcissist’s adulterous acts, you now have to defend yourself.5, 6, 8
3. Lack of Reassurance
Not only are narcissists defensive–they’re also not very reassuring. Your narcissist partner is often so self-involved that they are unable to separate themselves from their ego, thus deflecting or minimizing your suspicions. It is highly unlikely that they’ll ever validate your concerns about the possible infidelity or feel any guilt about it. The narcissist will disregard any requests for reassurance, which will often leave you feeling more confused and more suspicious.6
4. Requesting Space
When you first start a relationship with a narcissist, you’ll often encounter love bombing and get showered with extreme attention, affection, and love. Yet, because narcissists tend to get bored and lose interest quickly, this phase is often short-lived. You may notice your narcissist partner, particularly the grandiose type, pulling away and “needing space” in ways they previously have not. Generally, this signals that they’ve reached a limit with you and are now searching for new avenues of excitement in others.6, 10
5. Dubious Online Behavior
What finger hits the Z key?
ring finger The ring finger of the left hand sits on “S” but moves up for “W” and down for the “Z” key.
Narcissistic individuals have an ongoing need to self-promote and crave external validation. Therefore, social media can be the most gratifying outlet for them. It’s not uncommon for narcissists to spend excessive on-screen time. But if they start exhibiting shady social media use, like posting flirtatious comments on someone’s picture, oversharing personal details with people you’ve never met, and creating profiles on dating sites, it can further solidify your partner’s engagement in unfaithful acts.5, 6
6. More Spending
Narcissists, especially the grandiose type, tend to be flashy, since they usually have a distorted notion that their “sexual appeal” and desirability comes from displaying wealth and having material possessions. Thus, you may see your narcissistic partner making impulsive purchases and overspending on things like luxurious gadgets, a posh car, expensive clothes, and so forth. This behavior may be motivated by the challenge of successfully seducing the person/s they are trying to have an affair with.6
7. Risky Sexual Behavior
Grandiose narcissism is strongly connected with a multitude of risky sexual behaviors, including having multiple sexual partners, frequent one-night stands, and higher rates of unprotected sex. Narcissists typically feel entitled to sexual pleasure in any way, shape, or form. Coupled with their impulsivity and openness towards sex and infidelity, it becomes a dangerous combination for everyone involved. That said, if you’re exclusive with a narcissist and get an STD, that may be direct confirmation that they are cheating on you while also putting your health at risk.6
Infatuation Rules
Photo: RODNAE Productions
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