Infatuation Rules
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Is it better to be needed or wanted?

Ultimately, it would be nice to be wanted and accepted for who you are and not for what you have or what you can provide. You see, there is a difference between being needed and wanted. Being needed has an expiration date while wanting someone becomes more of a desire that may last a long time.

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At one point in my life, I shut down because I realized that I had become the one that everyone relied on and called but when I needed someone, no one was there but God. In my journey to maturing in love, I found myself always being needed instead of wanted by the people that mattered to me the most in my life. Whether it was family, friends, relationships, my job, or even ministry, I was called to do favors, duties, or various tasks but at the end of the day, they didn’t care for my well-being. Ultimately, it would be nice to be wanted and accepted for who you are and not for what you have or what you can provide. You see, there is a difference between being needed and wanted. Being needed has an expiration date while wanting someone becomes more of a desire that may last a long time. And, I could have said no to those who needed me. After all, I am not obligated to anyone or their demands but there was something in me that always wanted to help others. I get no gratification to be needed by others but I like to help others which if not monitored, could cause me to neglect myself and not receive the love that I deserve. In the book of Genesis, Leah was needed more than wanted. She found herself caught in a love triangle between her sister and her father’s nephew, Jacob. Laban, Leah’s dad, promised Jacob that if he served him for seven years then Jacob could marry Laban’s youngest daughter, Rachel. Well, you would guess that Laban did not go through with his part of the deal. On his wedding night, Jacob was given Leah. Now, Leah was the one who helped around the house. She cooked, cleaned, and made sure the house was kept together. She was needed for what she could provide. However, her sister, Rachel, was wanted and more desired. Rachel didn’t have to do anything special but her beauty surpassed everything. Yet, Leah kept having Jacob’s babies hoping to get his attention and somehow be wanted by him. However, Rachel had his heart. Like Leah, it’s tough when you’re needed for only what you can do and not who you are. Imagine being married to a man who only loves you for your cooking, the way you fold his clothes, and organize his office. Or, being a part of the church’s praise team, and they only call you to lead a song. Maybe you have a friend who calls you when they need to borrow money, but is never available when you need them. This need suggest that your importance is based on what you can do rather than who you are.

Fortunately, Leah later stopped seeking affirmation from Jacob and discovered her self-worth.

You can’t wait for people to give you what they don’t have. Life is too short to be wasting time but you need to know that you are worth everything to God. David said, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139: 13-14) In knowing your worth, then you are able to identify those who want you rather than just need you. You are more valuable than what you are able to provide to anyone.

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What causes loss of interest in intimacy?

Causes of a low sex drive relationship problems. stress, anxiety or depression. sexual problems like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness. pregnancy and having a baby – your hormone levels change when you're pregnant, and looking after a baby can be stressful and tiring.

There are many possible reasons for having a low sex drive (loss of libido). Treating the cause should help increase your sex drive. Causes of a low sex drive Some of the main causes of a low sex drive include: relationship problems

stress, anxiety or depression

sexual problems like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness

pregnancy and having a baby – your hormone levels change when you're pregnant, and looking after a baby can be stressful and tiring

lower hormone levels as you get older, particularly during the menopause

taking certain medicines, such as medicine for high blood pressure or antidepressants

using hormonal contraception like the pill, patch or implant

drinking too much alcohol Some long-term conditions can also affect your sex drive, such as heart disease, diabetes, an underactive thyroid or cancer. Non-urgent advice: See a GP if: you're worried about your low sex drive you're taking a medicine or using hormonal contraception and you think it may be affecting your sex drive

your sex drive does not return to normal after pregnancy

Treatments for a low sex drive Treatment for a low sex drive depends on what's causing it. A GP can advise you about help you can get and any treatments that might improve your sex drive. Possible causes of a low sex drive Cause Possible treatments Relationship problems Relationship counselling Sexual problems like vaginal dryness or erectile dysfunction Medicines to treat the problem, such as vaginal lubricants or medicines to help you get an erection Menopause Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) Mental health problems like depression Antidepressants or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) Medicine, contraception and health conditions Changing to a different medicine or type of contraception, or discussing treatment options if you have a health condition

Information: Find out more Sexual Advice Association: lack of sexual desire

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