Infatuation Rules
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Is being called Babe a red flag?

Experts who investigate countless fraudsters on online dating sites, say the calling of someone “babe” and “my darling” are typical red flags. It's an easy way for scammers to juggle dozens of “friends” at the same time, without having to remember names.

thestar.com - Beware of online dates who call you 'babe': Ellie - The Toronto Star
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I’m confused about a guy . . . Help!

I met him on an online dating site. He claimed me as a friend, but I could feel it was more. He has called me “babe,” and even “my darling” at times, when we’re texting. Whenever he’s working on a project, he wants my input. He listens to my opinions and values what I think. He always let me see his project before it comes out. He acknowledged me in a book he wrote.

Is it possible that he’s attracted to me more than as a friend?

Hopeful

It’s even more possible that he’s building you up for a scam. Experts who investigate countless fraudsters on online dating sites, say the calling of someone “babe” and “my darling” are typical red flags. It’s an easy way for scammers to juggle dozens of “friends” at the same time, without having to remember names. Typically, the person flatters you, draws you into his world through his work. You begin to feel you’re part of his life. Soon, he’ll need money to complete an important project, or get the book published, or travel to visit you. You’re hoping I’m wrong, that your guy is different, and that would be nice. But I alert you to watch out for the money request, and if it comes, end all contact before you lose more than your hopes. Our friends and former neighbours will be building their home close to our new home. I just saw their house plans and their facade is so similar to ours — even our signature 10’ window with its divisions is exactly the same! I take pride in our custom home, and have mentioned that I designed it (over two years) not to be like any other contractor home or someone else’s custom-build. I’d like to say something now before they continue with their plans. Not saying anything, and pretending that cookie cutting our $1.3 million home doesn’t bother me, does not sit well with me. What to do? Say something or ‘suck it up, buttercup?”

No Buttercup!

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They may think they’re flattering your good taste, and don’t realize your pride lies in the originality of your own design. Tell them you’re pleased to have them as neighbours again, and that’s why you feel close enough to say that creating exactly the same look makes it appear like a contractor’s choice. Suggest that these may have a lower re-sale value than something unique. Offer to help them with a custom design of their own that would put a special stamp on their new home.

This will take a gentle approach.

I recently married a beautiful woman with two great kids. However, sometimes I feel like it’s three on one, and that nobody believes me when I say something.

She wants me to be a father figure, yet undermines what I do and is not on my side. How do I fix this without blowing out and saying something that I’ll regret?

Baffled In Brooklyn

Tell her that it took time for her to develop routines and ways that she parents these kids, and you need time, too. Also, she has to be fair and helpful to her kids as well as you, by discussing ahead the strategies and boundaries she’s already got in place. It is NOT fair and it’s confusing to her kids, to expect you to participate, and then undermine you. You can only be an effective father figure if the children see that she supports you in that role.

TIP OF THE DAY

Beware of online dating scammers: Sincerity is more than being called “Babe.”

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca . Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat . Follow @ellieadvice.

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thestar.com - Beware of online dates who call you 'babe': Ellie - The Toronto Star
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