Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Karolina Grabowska
A text exchange with no emotion could be a red flag, she notes. If the texts are flat, with no smiling in the language and little energy, this might be an indication the date is emotionally aloof. Some people manage the anxiety of attachment by trying to control their environment, Winsberg points out.
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Read More »Swiping, texting and scrolling are all part of today’s online dating culture – and messages can go some way to determining if you’ve found your perfect match. So says ‘text whisperer’ Dr Mimi Winsberg, a psychiatrist who has spent a lot of time deciphering the love language of texting. Ill-advised emojis, over-sharing intimate thoughts and obsessing over response times can send dating hopefuls running for cover, she explains in her new book, Speaking In Thumbs. A bad swipe can ruin your whole day... pic.twitter.com/tKFLXXCSId — Mimi Winsberg, MD (@mwinsberg) February 3, 2022 Winsberg, 56, who has 25 years of clinical practice and spent three years as the onsite psychiatrist at the Facebook Wellness Center, found herself single when her 16-year marriage ended in divorce. She started to explore Bumble, Tinder and Hinge, and says: "In using dating apps, I began to joke that I could make a psychiatric diagnosis in less than 20 texts." Sifting through texts to find golden nuggets of information, her experience in psychiatry helped her see the people she engaged with on dating apps clearly – often after exchanging just a few messages. "I’ve met a lot of interesting people through dating apps, and have made some dear friends as well as quite a few romantic partners. I’ve had quite an adventure. "But one needs to check one’s expectations, which are inversely proportional to the happiness that we derive from these tools," she advises. "Take a fun and relaxed approach to it, and don’t think you’re going to meet the love of your life." We need your consent to load this Giphy contentWe use Giphy to manage extra content that can set cookies on your device and collect data about your activity. Please review their details and accept them to load the content.Manage Preferences The book attempts to identify specific personalities through the language of texts, empowering people to read between the lines to find out if your potential partner is suitable dating material. In the book, she explores the ‘big five’ personality types, using the acronym OCEAN – Openness to experience; Conscientiousness; Extroversion; Agreeableness; Neuroticism. These can tell you a lot about how compatible you may be with your date, she says – and it can be identified through their language. "Take time to understand what personality type might be right for you. An extrovert, for example, might give you a better social life, but pay you less attention at a party, because they are going to be off talking to other people."
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Read More »"It says there’s a mismatch in either expectation or the power gradient. Who is holding the reins in the text message?"
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Read More »"Extroverts are more likely to use the thumbs up emoji and the winking face emoji, and are less likely to use the exaggerated emojis – like the tired face or the eye-rolling face. "The masters of long-term relationships, those high in the agreeable dimension, will use the words ‘wonderful’, ‘together’, ‘morning’, and ‘spring’ with greater frequency," she explains in the book. "Those extremely conscientious types will pepper their language with ‘completed’, ‘stupid’, ‘boring’ and ‘adventure’. "A person high in conscientiousness is likely to follow through on what they say they will do, or be a little bit more responsible. They may be a more stable relationship partner," she continues. Colons correlate with conscientiousness, perhaps because they can be found in organised lists. "People who use expressions like ‘could’ve’, ‘should’ve’ are lower on the conscientiousness scale, so when you see a discrepancy between intent and outcome in language, that will betray a lower conscientiousness."
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