Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Mikhail Nilov
"[One month is] not too soon if you spend every single day together for an entire month," Golden says. "That's long enough to fall in love and to verbally express it." On the flipside, Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist, isn't fully convinced four weeks can give you all the answers.
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Read More »When it comes to dropping the L-word for the first time, there are no clear-cut rules to abide by or timetables to follow. Sure, saying “I love you” is supposed to feel intuitive and natural, but the reality is that those three small words can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. Waiting too long to say it could drive your partner away, but saying “I love you” too soon could come off as a major red flag. Not to mention, there’s the excruciating possibility of putting your heart on the line just for the other person not to say it back. Giving yourself arbitrary deadlines or markers for when to say “I love you” is robotic and anti-romantic — basically the complete opposite of listening to your heart. But if you’re solely trusting your gut, what are you supposed to do if you find yourself deep in your feelings for someone just one month into a relationship? As with most things involving love, it really depends. If you’re stuck mulling over how soon is too soon to say “I love you,” here’s what experts have to say about it.
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"If you're no longer spending any time together, if one or both partners is spending all their time at work, with friends, online — and if feels...
Read More »That being said, if you've been with your partner for nearly every minute of your entire first month of being together — and it’s not unheard of nowadays — maybe 30 days isn’t as lightning speed short and delusional as it may seem. As long as you can see your partner authentically, maybe one month is enough time to see past the infatuation period.
As a rough rule, two months should be a safe amount of time to broach the subject. But every relationship is different, so if it feels right...
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Read More »Trusting your gut doesn’t simply mean acting out of impulse at any given moment. It means examining it, and then acting on it. If you find yourself constantly falling in love and saying "I love you" first only to have relationships blow up in your face, maybe you just need to spend more time with your gut feelings. The opposite, however, is also a common problem, according to Chlipala. “In general, I think people know, but sometimes people might sit on their feelings,” she says. “Rejection is something that people avoid as much as possible, even to the point of self sabotage, and more people sit on their feet than share [their feelings] right away.” Worrying too much about how soon to say “I love you” might actually get in the way of embracing your own emotions. The most important thing you can do is to have an honest heart-to-heart with yourself. "Ultimately, you know when it feels right," says Golden. "If you see yourself having a future with someone, the relationship is healthy, communication is easy, chemistry is stellar, and you’re monogamous, all signs point to a happy, healthy, and committed relationship warranting the three words." At the end of the day — or month — every relationship is different. You've heard it all before because it's true: No one bond is exactly like another on the planet. When deciding if a month is too early to say "I love you," ask yourself three things: "Do I want to say it?" then, "Will I regret saying it?" and finally, "How upset will I be if my partner doesn't say it back to me?" Putting your own feelings first and protecting your heart should be your top priority. Maybe you really are in love, or maybe you're just feeling all of those strong emotions and whirlwind butterflies you get when you first fall for someone.
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