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How to be the hottest guy in the room?

6 Ways to Make Sure You're the Sexiest Man in the Room. ... Don't try to be funny. ... Act like the room bores you. ... Periodically glance in the direction of other attractive people then turn away and smirk. ... Spend $5,000 on a haircut that looks like you just rolled out of bed. ... Wear a black T-shirt and have three days growth of beard. More items... •

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6 Ways to Make Sure You’re the Sexiest Man in the Room

It’s dating not rocket science, don’t think so hard

Let’s face it. The dating game is hard. From birth, you’re raised with a bunch of stupid ideas of how important it is to “be yourself” and find somebody “who loves you for who you are.”

Wrong!

All that nonsense is like step 85 of a relationship. Step one is more akin to going to the grocery store. It doesn’t matter if you’re buying something as mundane as a pack of coffee filters. Ultimately, the factor that’s going to determine what brand you reach for is the packaging. The great thing about writing dating advice is that it can be satire and still be absolutely true. Here are some tips to keep in mind for the next time you go out on the town single but looking.

1. Don’t try to be funny

People who say funny is sexy want somebody else to be funny. Want proof? When was the last time you saw somebody out clubbing wearing face paint, a blue wig, and a big red nose? No, Ronald McDonald isn’t slaying. In fact, I don’t even let my kids get close to his life-sized plastic statue.

Here’s what you should really do: say nothing!

Think about it! What’s the one thing we all have in common? It’s that we all have to listen to incessant nagging. Whether it’s our boss or our parents or our television or our telephones, somebody or something is always telling us what to do.

You know what we want? Silence!

When do we want it? Now!

Even a really funny comedian is going to be annoying to more than half the people you meet in any given room. The first rule of dating is don’t be annoying. Just be quiet. You’re welcome.

2. Act like the room bores you

Keeping in mind that everyone in the world is overly burdened with external irritation, acting like you’re bored is the physical manifestation of this affliction. “Oh, look, the world bores and irritates that guy, the world bores and irritates me too! We have so much in common!” It doesn’t matter how great a life a person has. Ninety percent of the time they are bored and irritated. Understanding this is a great foundation upon which to build a relationship. “I am bored and irritated. I know you’re bored and irritated. Let’s go someplace where we don’t have to bore and irritate each other.” This rule is just a matter of recalibrating your ambitions. Don’t promise somebody eternal joy. Instead, promise them a lack of irritation. You can’t walk before you can fly, and you might find even the latter is a promise you can’t deliver.

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3. Periodically glance in the direction of other attractive people then turn away and smirk Nothing irritates other attractive people more than being ignored. Another great thing you can do is to go up to the less attractive friend and tell them they’re the best-looking person in the room and walk away. Actually, half the time, the less attractive friend is more attractive and you’re just too stupid to realize it. Quit being such a superficial jerk. On second thought, forget this whole article, you deserve to die alone. 4. Spend $5,000 on a haircut that looks like you just rolled out of bed The salon disheveled look is really the only way to go. It’s vitally important to spend a king’s ransom on a look that says, “look at me, I don’t care about how I look.” Another great idea is to go out and get a second mortgage to buy a pair of ripped designer blue jeans. The more you spend, and the sooner they deteriorate, the better. Believe me, if you’re wearing a pair of blue jeans that are faded and ripped because you’re a working man who has worn them to perform physical labor every day of your life, you’ll fall flat. People know the difference between fashion designer rips and haphazard rips that occur naturally. Don’t go cheap on your look. You can’t fake fashion by throwing on any old pair of jeans and rolling out of bed without touching your hair. You got to spend money to make money.

5. Wear a black T-shirt and have three days growth of beard

If you’ve just shaved, there’s no point in going out. The best thing for you to do is to sit at home and grow that stubble. Not for two days, not for four days, but three. Three days! Stubble is the single greatest weapon of the single man. It’s yet another way to show the world that you’re just too bored and irritated to care. So stay at home and carefully cultivate that stubble!

“Didn’t you have time to shave?”

“No, I just flew in from Antarctica where I spent the last few months stopping men who were clubbing baby seals. Believe me, this bar is the last place I want to be. I find the world so boring and irritating.”

“Me too, should we get out of here?”

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“I suppose.”

Don’t overthink how you look. Just wear a black T-shirt and jeans. Not blue, not green, certainly not brown. Black! You should have a whole closet with nothing but black T-shirts. If you don’t look good in a T-shirt bench press until you do.

6. Don’t smell bad

This is really the most important rule, but I saved it for last so that jerks who only skimmed this article wouldn’t benefit from it. Guys, the bar is set low. Not smelling bad is upwards of 95% of what women look for in a man. Forget all that garbage about having a good heart, being a provider, being kind. When it comes down to it, women are looking for a man who doesn’t smell bad.

That. Is. All.

Really.

This is actually more difficult than it sounds. Step one is taking a regular bath. Step two is using deodorant. In fact, carry a stick of deodorant with you at all times. Think of how much better flights would be if everyone did this. Step three is don’t overdo it! Seriously, don’t douse yourself in pungent aromas. Women have a more sensitive sense of smell than men do. If you can smell yourself, then, chances are, a woman is going to think you stink. That’s why this is tricky. It’s better to smell like nothing than to have an overwhelming smell of any kind. I said the bar is low. You probably still don’t understand how low the bar is. It’s so low you can almost step over it without thinking, yet still, guys fall flat on their faces.

Rinse, wash, repeat

If you’re in high school or college, I suggest you print out these six rules and hang them all over your dorm or bedroom. You might think you’re giving away the trick that will give you an advantage.

You’re wrong.

What you’ll be doing is making the world a far less boring and irritating place for everyone. Trust me, that will totally be to your benefit, even if it stops you from being the sexiest man in the room. Let’s all come together and make the world a less boring and irritating place! Think about this the next time you reach for a cute package of coffee filters.

psiloveyou.xyz - 6 Ways to Make Sure You're the Sexiest Man in the Room

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