Infatuation Rules
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How soon do you say I love you?

The question of when to say “I love you” in a relationship is a contentious one. In the many conversations I've had on the topic, the consensus seems to be that three months in is the sweet spot.

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The question of when to say “I love you” in a relationship is a contentious one. In the many conversations I’ve had on the topic, the consensus seems to be that three months in is the sweet spot. But that feels like a lifetime to me. In all my serious relationships, the L-word was dropped closer to three weeks. And at the risk of sounding delusional, I often feel like I’m in love with someone after, like, three days.

I get that declaring love in less time than it takes to complete a juice cleanse seems deranged. You don’t want “I love you” to feel like the emotional equivalent of drunk sex—reckless, overeager, and hangover-inducing. But strategically withholding it to achieve some arbitrary “appropriate” benchmark feels depressing. If the goal is to be truthful and vaguely sane, when is the right time to say “I love you”?

My worst “I love you” story is from back in my mid-20s. Tragically, it was one of those ‘I like you more than you like me’ situations, and I couldn’t work up the courage to vomit my feelings onto his sandwich-stained sheets without guaranteed reciprocation. But after four months, while in a post-sex haze, it all came rushing out. His response was simply: “Uh-huh.” We went on to date for two more years. The word “love” was never mentioned again. My most recent “I love you” was directed at my current boyfriend. We met two years ago, and I vividly remember walking home after our first date and thinking, Oh no. I had that sinking feeling—the one that says, This person could really fuck me up. For me, falling in love often feels ominous, because there’s so much potential for hurt, rejection, and loss. Like, even if it all works out exactly as you hoped, you’re both eventually going to die. And probably not simultaneously.

We said “I love you” after dating for nine days. Fast, even by my slutty standards. He said it first, and I loved him even more for saying it. What’s braver than saying “I love you” first? But inevitably, the following day I couldn’t help but think, Wait... are we insane?! Is this just manic infatuation? Which leads to yet another question: How do you know if you actually love someone, or if you’re just high AF on dopamine and cum?

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How to date a boyfriend?

Use your first date to get to know the guy and to let him get to know a little bit about yourself. Be confident and talk about your job, your interests, hobbies, passions, or whatever else comes up. Be honest, too. Don't try to be mysterious or keep him in the dark or he may think that you aren't interested in him.

This article was co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP . Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University. This article has been viewed 225,391 times.

Article Summary

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To date a guy, try to look your best whenever you see him to attract his attention and help you feel confident in yourself. Don’t be afraid to accessorize with jewelry, which enhances your facial features and shows off your personality. When you get to the date, steer conversation towards fun and interesting topics, like your common interests, so you can get to know each other without being too serious. Avoid talking about the future or relationships, since this can scare some guys off. If your first few dates go well, think about more adventurous dates you can go on, such as hiking, going to the zoo, or taking a cooking class, to keep things exciting while you get to know each other. For more tips, including how to casually flirt while dating a guy, read on!

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