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How narcissists treat their friends?

Narcissistic friends seek out constant praise, prioritize their own needs, lack empathy, have high expectations of their friends, and often end friendships when they no longer serve them.

choosingtherapy.com - 16 Signs of Narcissistic Friends: What They Do & Say - Choosing Therapy

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It’s common to become “fast friends” with narcissists because they’re often supportive, thoughtful, and engaged early on in relationships. At this stage, they may even go above and beyond what’s expected of a new friend in order to fake you out. However, if you’re friends with a narcissist, you may find that over time they turn egocentric, unsupportive, territorial, entitled, dismissive, unreasonable, and even aggressive.

Sixteen signs of a narcissistic friend are:

Because they don’t know how to self-validate or find internal self-worth, narcissistic friends seek out, expect, and even demand praise and admiration to fuel their self-esteem. This may look like asking you to like their Instagram posts, fishing for compliments, or expressing superficial insecurity in hopes that you will compliment them to make them feel better (e.g., “I promise your hair doesn’t look bad — you look amazing today!”).1

2. They Put Their Own Needs First

Because narcissists view themselves as “above” or better than others, they tend to be preoccupied with their own satisfaction and lack empathy for their friends’ needs.2 If you have plans to meet a narcissistic friend for lunch, they may run late, not apologize, and say they don’t understand why you’re so bothered. If you do express a need or preference (for example, “If we’re going to meet for lunch tomorrow, we can’t meet up any later than 12pm”), the narcissistic friend may ignore the request or accuse you of being controlling or selfish.

3. Conversations Stay Surface Level

Narcissists may initially be perceived by friends as being introverted (vulnerable narcissist) or private (covert narcissist). In reality, they are keeping conversations superficial in an effort to avoid intimacy. Narcissistic friends often only share information about themselves with others when it’s self-promoting (e.g., bragging about their accomplishments) or assists them in personal gain.3 In addition to not sharing anything personal or vulnerable with you, narcissistic friends may not ask any questions about you. This is the case for two reasons: First, narcissists tend to have little genuine interest in others, as they would rather focus on themselves. Second, narcissists will avoid interactions in which vulnerability is expected of them. This means the narcissist doesn’t ask friends questions like, “How are you doing since your dad’s death?” because that may lead to a more vulnerable conversation in which they are expected to speak about their own experience with loss.

4. They Aren’t There For You When You Really Need Them…

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Narcissists struggle to identify others’ needs, understand their feelings, and offer validation unless doing so is perceived as relevant or beneficial to them personally. In a friendship, this may look like avoiding emotional conversations, not showing up when you’re going through a hard time, or bad-mouthing you because you’re struggling.

5. …Except When It’s In Their Best Interest

Despite often not being there for you when you need them, narcissistic friends may go above and beyond to show compassion other times, usually around the start of the friendship.4 Communal narcissists may spend hours on the phone with you when you’re going through a breakup, but only so that they can claim they’re the “best friend ever” or that they “give the best advice.” Beware that they may also use this experience as leverage the next time they need something from you.

6. They Act Entitled to Time With You

Narcissists expect to get what they want and often believe they are owed or deserving of time with their friends. This may look like demanding that you spend time with them or getting angry or going into a fit of rage with you if you cancel plans. If you don’t meet their expectations, narcissistic friends may retaliate with aggression, threats of finding “better” friends, or by giving you “the silent treatment.”

7. They Put You Down

Because narcissists want a constant supply of attention and to make their accomplishments known, they may disregard your strengths and successes and instead highlight their own. If you tell a narcissistic friend that you got a great job offer, they may cut you off, change the conversation, or steal the spotlight by talking about themselves — all in an effort to manage their insecurity and jealousy.

8. They Have Unreasonable Expectations

Oftentimes, what a narcissistic friend wants and feels entitled to is unreasonable to expect from a friend. For example, a narcissistic friend may ask you to give them a ride to the airport in the middle of the night and not understand why you say no.

choosingtherapy.com - 16 Signs of Narcissistic Friends: What They Do & Say - Choosing Therapy

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