Infatuation Rules
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How many true loves do we have?

The three loves that she came up with are the following: Lust, Passion, and Commitment. These three loves occur in different parts of the brain and occur independently from each other. For instance, you can be “in lust” with someone but have no perceived commitment to them (e.g., one night stands).

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Love Three: Commitment

If two people remain in passion for long enough, and there is a long-term compatibility where they can continue to share new life experiences together indefinitely, then commitment will arise. Commitment is an unbelievably powerful feeling and occurs rarely in life. Commitment is when the passion of Love Two persists to the point that it’s unconditional. Couples that are in Love Two and not Love Three will often feel great until something happens: he loses his job, she has a miscarriage, he starts drinking, etc. Commitment is when you emotionally accept and love the other person’s flaws as much as their strengths. Scientists have actually shown that for couples who reach that level of commitment, their senses of self actually merge with the other person.6 What researchers have done is observe neural activation patterns in these long-term couples. They found that if you ask a man married for 20 years to think about his wife getting into a car accident, and then ask him to think about himself getting into a car accident, the same “self” spots in his brain will light up, whereas it won’t for anybody else. And it won’t for couples who have not been at the Third Love of commitment for a long period of time. Commitment arises with the idea that the relationship will persist indefinitely. The only way it can end is if one or both parties of a relationship change individually to the point where it becomes harmful for the other person to self-identify with their partner: again, think of the husband who becomes an alcoholic, or the wife who keeps cheating, etc. Sometimes even then, the power of commitment holds on, depending on the individuals. Passion and Lust can disappear well after Commitment arises without affecting the Commitment. In this way, each love is a pre-requisite for the subsequent love to emerge, but once it has, it’s no longer necessary. Lust is needed for passion, but passion can exist later without it. Passion must exist for commitment, but later on, commitment can exist without it. There are timetables for each love, although these are very arbitrary and will vary widely from person to person and couple to couple. But it’s helpful to think about this: Lust is instantaneous and comes and goes constantly, being very easy to retrieve once lost. Passion takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to emerge, and usually sticks around for 3-6 months. In highly compatible couples, it will persevere but still require effort and constant communication to maintain beyond a couple years. Commitment arises after anywhere from 1-3 years together and remains for a lifetime unless two people grow apart as individuals, in which case it often takes years to undo itself.

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How do you know if someone loves you more?

7 signs your partner is more in love with you than you think They love you in the way that they receive love, but not the way that you do. ... They make you a priority. ... You're the first person they turn to. ... They're thinking about you when you're not together. ... They're thoughtful. More items... •

1. They love you in the way that they receive love, but not the way that you do.

Think about the five love languages. NBC

Dr. Gary Chapman, PhD, developed the idea that there are five love languages. Essentially, each person "speaks" one of these love languages and one of the keys to a good and successful relationship is deciphering your partner's love language. If you don't speak the same love language, you could have some problems with communication. Tara Vossenkemper, MA, LPC, ACS, the founder, clinical director, and therapist at The Counseling Hub, told INSIDER that you might not realize that your partner loves you as much as they do because they're showing you love in the way that they receive, not in the way that you do. "So if I am a person who, I give love by doing things for somebody else, but my partner receives love through, maybe, compliments or little notes here and there or pretty much nice, kind words, then he or she will never really receive love in the way I'm giving it," Vossenkemper explained. Asking yourself what your partner asks for (like hugs) can help you determine how they receive love. Then, reflecting on if that's what they're often doing for you can help you sort out if that's what going on or not.

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