Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Katerina Holmes
You should feel comfortable hanging out with your partner spontaneously three or four times a week, but you're definitely not obligated to do so if you feel overwhelmed or if you simply feel differently.
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Read More »Like I said, the answer to this depends. Personally, I like to revisit the number of weekly dates or hangouts I have with someone periodically so it's reflective of the length and seriousness of the relationship. While some people might argue that talking to a new partner multiple times a day is normal (because it's exciting and your emotions are all over the place), my new strategy is to take things super slow. I've even gone so far as to limit the number of weekly phone calls I have with a new partner. I know it might sound mean, but trust me when I say it's more about my clinginess than it is about theirs. Nikki Leigh, certified love coach and host of Ready For Love Radio, has a more relaxed approach. "I haven't ever really altered my time with someone as we're together longer," she tells Elite Daily. "Our lives together just kind of evolve depending on what we're doing and there's not really a formula that I can put into words. It's more based on work schedules, commitments, and other activities. We might spend time together in different ways, but not really different amounts of time." According to her, the best way to come up with a schedule of your own is to consider your personal wants and needs. Take into account time you'd like to dedicate to family, friends, work or homework, and even self-care before deciding on what works for you. On the other hand, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge Logan Ury says rules about how often you should see your SO are BS. "I don’t believe in rules when it comes to how often to see someone you’re dating,” she tells Elite Daily. “Instead, take a look inside and investigate your motivation. For example, do you want to see this person more often because you’re excited about spending time with them, or is it because you’re worried that if you don’t see them they’ll forget about you or go out with someone else?” Ury says the best way to determine how often you hang out with your partner depends on a few things. “If you want to see them less often, is it because you feel like you need more space, or could this be a sign of an avoidant attachment style, in which you pull back when you get close to someone?” she asks. “The more you can dig into what's really going on for you, the easier it is to make the right decision for yourself (and your relationship). The goal is to organically increase the intensity in a way that feels comfortable for both of you." And according to Ury, the answer might also depend on how long you two have been together.
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Read More »So, let's talk about some green flags in relationships—i.e., signs that you're with someone who will probably make for a great partner: They listen well. ... They're comfortable talking about their feelings. ... They have high self-awareness. ... They have empathy. ... They're engaged in the relationship. More items... •
Pay attention if your partner really puts in effort to hear and understand you. If they ask thoughtful questions, make space for you in the conversation, and seek to get to know your inner world well, those are all big green flags. Active listening is a necessity for relationships to last in the long term. "When used in close relationships, active listening can foster an even deeper level of emotional intimacy," licensed marriage and family therapist Tiana Leeds, M.A., LMFT, recently told mbg. "Essentially, it provides the speaker with the space and attunement to be able to be vulnerable, which can enhance relationships both in times of peace as well as conflict." It's inevitable that couples will disagree and unintentionally hurt each other from time to time, and being able to listen well and really make an effort to understand your partner's perspective is key to healthy conflict resolution. So, a date who shows the ability to listen well early on is not only showing that they're going to take the time to understand you deeply; they're also showing that they'll be able to hear you out in moments of conflict and really try to understand your side of the story.
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