How many dates till sleep together?

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How quickly you’ll get physical might depend on how you meet (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)

It’s a question as old as, well, not time, but something that’s been around for quite some time: how many dates should you go on with someone before you have sex?

The truth is that there is no magic number, no matter what people may claim about the three-date rule or their views on sleeping together on the first date. Only you can know if it’s the right time to make a romantic connection physical, and, as a new bit of research shows, the number of dates people go on before having sex varies a lot between different contexts and under different influences. Eight of ten daters (81%), for example, say they are now likely to go to bed with someone they like more quickly than before, as a result of the Covid crisis. And how speedily a couple moves can also be affected by how they meet – the fastest ‘sex conversion rate’ happens through dating sites or apps, where people go on two dates on average before sex.

This is according to a new survey of 2,000 people by IllicitEncounters.

They found that the average number of dates people go on before having sex is three, but there’s a real spread across different people and situations. The survey found that when couples meet on holiday, sex happens after an average of 2.4 dates, while if they meet in a pub or bar, this is 2.5 dates. If you meet through work, you’re more likely to take things slow, with the average number of dates before sex coming in at 10. Average 'sex conversion rates' for different ways of dating: Dating website or app – 2 dates Holiday romance – 2.4 dates Meeting in a pub or bar – 2.5 dates Connecting with someone on social media – 2.7 dates Set up by friends – 3 dates Blind date – 3.2 dates A chance encounter – 4 dates Meeting through a hobby 5 dates The gym – 6 dates Meeting your partner at work – 10 dates As time goes on and our attitudes change, the overall average drops, too. Just three years ago, couples were waiting an average of four dates to have sex.

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But the three-date ideal might stick around for a while. Many surveyed said this is the optimum time to wait to have sex to boost the chances of a relationship succeeding – although we’re more open to sex on the first date, with 57% of men and 51% of women saying they would. Perhaps three dates before sex will still be an average, but we’ll let go of the idea of it being a ‘rule’. Only 28% of men and a similar number of women (33%) think the three-date rule still applies. Maybe it’s starting to sink in that the right time to have sex is whenever it’s right for you. Only you can decide – not outside experts shaming you for not sticking to a prescribed number. IllicitEncounters sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: ‘Life’s too short to hang around when you meet someone you like. ‘That is why many couples abandon the three date rule when the attraction is strong and jump into bed exactly when they feel like it – often on the first date. ‘The Covid crisis has focused everyone’s minds and we are all living for the moment and enjoying life while we can. ‘I expect these conversion rates to come down even further as we move to full freedom and nightclubs open up once again.’

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