Infatuation Rules
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How many dates develop feelings?

Three dates is a good rule of thumb. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up. If you want to keep trying, go for it, but make sure to be careful of his feelings too.

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You can't call it quits after a decent first date. Nerves can make people act and feel unnatural. If you really enjoyed chatting with him but just aren't sure it felt romantic, go out with him again. You're not going to regret spending some more time with a decent guy, even if sparks don't develop. But if they do, squee! You absolutely can call it quits after a miserable first date (or even before it). If you've been single for a long time and/or heard the old "You're just too picky" advice (blech), you may feel pressured to keep an open mind. An open mind is good, but you know how people who hit it off right away are like, "When you know, you know" and you're like, "Shut up you lucky brat"? Well, you can know something isn't right too. Don't go out with someone you just know it isn't going to happen with. It's not worth your time or his. That also applies to guys you haven't even met yet (like the dude who emailed me via OKCupid but used the dreaded C word to refer to women in his profile. See ya never!) Three dates is a good rule of thumb. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up. If you want to keep trying, go for it, but make sure to be careful of his feelings too. Eventually, you're gonna need the Urge To Kiss. My friend inspired this one today by making that announcement to me about a lunch date she has. Basically, if she still feels no urge to kiss him, which she hasn't on previous dates, she's going to tell him they should stick to being friends. If he's sweet but you're just not physically into it, let him go find someone who is, and then you can find someone you can barely keep your hands off of. Let me know if you think these are sensible or not, or whether you have anything to add to my list...

What are your rules? Do you need a spark on the first date or it's over? If not, how long will you give it?

Spark it up:

Let's Talk Chemistry: Are Sparks Necessary?

The Fastest Way to Create Sparks with Your Boyfriend

Why guys need to feel a spark

Photo: Thinkstock

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How do you make your ex girlfriend want you back quickly?

Take care of yourself. This will make you more attractive to your ex when you contact her again. Eat healthy and exercise. Spend time with friends and family who love you. Do activities that you not have had time to do when you were in a relationship such as volunteer, play video games, read, etc.

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW . Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples' relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book "Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids" and also wrote "Professor Kelli's Guide to Finding a Husband". Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 887,874 times.

Article Summary

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To make your ex-girlfriend want you back after a breakup, try to avoid any contact with her for at least a couple of weeks. This will give you time to heal and give her time to miss you. During this period, don't post subliminal messages online or talk negatively about your ex, since this could ruin any chance you have of getting back together. Instead, focus on becoming the best version of yourself by eating healthy, exercising, and spending time with friends. Then, when your no-contact period is over, reach out to her, admit your mistakes, and apologize. If you want her back, ask her out on a date to see if she also wants to give it another try. For more advice, like how to start over with your ex-girlfriend, read on.

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