Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Karolina Grabowska
Three dates is a good rule of thumb. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up.
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Read More »You can't call it quits after a decent first date. Nerves can make people act and feel unnatural. If you really enjoyed chatting with him but just aren't sure it felt romantic, go out with him again. You're not going to regret spending some more time with a decent guy, even if sparks don't develop. But if they do, squee! You absolutely can call it quits after a miserable first date (or even before it). If you've been single for a long time and/or heard the old "You're just too picky" advice (blech), you may feel pressured to keep an open mind. An open mind is good, but you know how people who hit it off right away are like, "When you know, you know" and you're like, "Shut up you lucky brat"? Well, you can know something isn't right too. Don't go out with someone you just know it isn't going to happen with. It's not worth your time or his. That also applies to guys you haven't even met yet (like the dude who emailed me via OKCupid but used the dreaded C word to refer to women in his profile. See ya never!) Three dates is a good rule of thumb. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up. If you want to keep trying, go for it, but make sure to be careful of his feelings too. Eventually, you're gonna need the Urge To Kiss. My friend inspired this one today by making that announcement to me about a lunch date she has. Basically, if she still feels no urge to kiss him, which she hasn't on previous dates, she's going to tell him they should stick to being friends. If he's sweet but you're just not physically into it, let him go find someone who is, and then you can find someone you can barely keep your hands off of. Let me know if you think these are sensible or not, or whether you have anything to add to my list...
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Read More »Don't Kiss and Tell If honesty is the number one rule of casual dating, then rule number two is all about discretion. No one likes to hear about their competition, especially in the dating world. If you're dating more than one guy at a time, keep the details about your other relationships on the down low.
If it’s clear that you want more than he does, it is best to just back off. Most importantly, if the man you are casually dating professes his deeper feelings, you must be honest about how you feel. If you aren’t interested in starting a relationship, let him down gently but firmly. It’s best that you don’t see each other anymore if you obviously want different things. Don’t lead him on or act wishy-washy about how you feel just so you can keep seeing him. You’ll only end up hurting him in the end. 8. Stay True to Yourself For the most valuable casual dating advice, all you have to do is listen to that little voice inside. If, half-way through the first date, you realize things aren’t going to work out, break the news gently. If something (probably not your heart) tells you to strike up a conversation with that cute UPS guy the next time he swings by your office, do it. If and when you feel ready to move from a casual dating relationship to something more exclusive, let your guy know.
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