Infatuation Rules
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How long should you stay single after a breakup?

"Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship," she says. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months.

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When it comes to post-breakup dating, there are two main philosophies: One is that, if you date right after a breakup, you're rebounding, which is unhealthy. Then there's the whole idea that "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." Which is right? How long should you really wait to date after a breakup?

Paulette Kouffman Sherman, Psy.D., psychologist and author of Dating From the Inside Out, says it's hard to put a number on it—but you'll probably want to wait at least a month before jumping back into the dating pool again. "Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship," she says. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months. On the other hand, you might need less time if your relationship was very short. More important than the specific amount of time you need, though, is the state of mind you're in. You want to make sure you're not still in post-breakup mode. You have to get past the (valid and often necessary) stage of curling up on your couch and really mourning the loss of your relationship and to the point where you're back in the swing of work, hobbies, friends, and everything else your life normally includes. "This way, you will feel whole and in high self-esteem before you go back into the next relationship and won't just be trying to fill that hole," says Sherman. Taking a break from dating after a breakup isn't just about licking your wounds, though—it's also about figuring out what you've learned and can carry over to your next relationship, says psychologist Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D. "The ends of relationships teach us so much about ourselves: our style of communication, whether that style is effective or not, how we handle insecurities, conflict, and co-existing as an individual and as part of a two-some simultaneously," she says. Think about what your relationship and breakup taught you about what you want—and don't want. Hafeez also advises making sure you're not interested in dating just to distract yourself from your breakup.

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How do you know if your relationship won't last?

Your partner can do no wrong Your new love doesn't feel contrite or admit wrongdoing—ever: That's a red flag. “If the new person you're seeing has a hard time showing you they're imperfect, or apologizing for even silly mistakes, this relationship probably will not last,” says Bregman.

9 / 15 Minerva Studio/Shutterstock Nasty to others If they often lose their cool with wait staff and salespeople, watch out: You could be next, warns Deacon. “Be careful and mindful of how they treat others, for as the relationship develops, that same treatment will most definitely come your way,” says Deacon. It’ll likely be one of the common behaviors that are sabotaging your relationship. 10 / 15 nito/Shutterstock They won’t come clean about the relationship It’s been a couple of months and they still won’t talk about what’s happening between you. “Clarify whether this is a fling, an open relationship, or a relationship where both parties are hoping to cultivate a future, and act accordingly,” says Deacon. If your new love interest avoids this conversation, or makes jokes about it, they’re being disrespectful, according to Deacon: “It’s an indication that the person does not have the emotional capacity or maturity to handle tough conversations.”

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