Infatuation Rules
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How long should kiss last?

You've probably never timed it, but maybe you've wished it lasted longer. In John Gottman's relationship research, he was able to find that six seconds is the length of a kiss that can actually create a connection with your partner. In fact, he recommends you have at least one six-second kiss per day.

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Have you ever wondered if your kiss is lasting long enough? You’ve probably never timed it, but maybe you’ve wished it lasted longer. In John Gottman’s relationship research, he was able to find that six seconds is the length of a kiss that can actually create a connection with your partner. In fact, he recommends you have at least one six-second kiss per day. John calls the six-second kiss “a kiss with potential.” An important part of your relationship is building and maintaining a connection with your partner. When we feel really connected, conflict and hard times tend to seem easier to get through. Our connection helps us see our partner in a positive light and focus on the things we appreciate about them instead of things that bother us. When the connection is really strong in your relationship, you are in positive sentiment override. This is a term used to describe couples who see a positive perspective in their relationship due to their strong connection.

Benefits of incorporating the six-second kiss daily:

It helps you feel closer physically.

It’s an invitation for further connection.

It can reduce stress.

It makes connection a priority.

It can lead to intimacy.

It prioritizes your relationship.

It’s a way to have fun together.

It counts as a positive experience together.

It feels good.

A kissing homework assignment

Try out timing your six-second kiss once to get a feel for the length. (You don’t want to time it every time as it will distract you from the connection.) Grab your partner, set a timer on your phone, and get to kissing. You can make it a game by guessing when you’ve hit six seconds or seeing the longest kiss you can do without taking a breath.

A great time to incorporate a six-second kiss into your daily routine is a kiss when parting for the day or when reuniting at the end of the day. Take a few minutes to check in about the day after the kiss as well. Making the six-second kiss a daily habit will be one of the easiest and quickest ways you can boost connection in your relationship. What else can you do for less than one minute a week that will improve your relationship?

The takeaway from this article is simple. Making time for small connections leads to big results. Investing time to connect each day with your partner is worth the time and effort. To get out of the feeling of being roommates, the connection needs to be at the forefront. Strong, healthy couples make time daily to connect and enjoy that intimacy.

Facebook image: Hrecheniuk Oleksii/Shutterstock

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Is it normal to not text your girlfriend everyday?

Absolutely nothing is “normal.” Some couples text a million times a day, while others save it for pillow talk. Sometimes, on super busy workdays, there might be no communication at all. And that's totally fine. Try to figure out your limits so you can draw up the communication blueprint for your relationship.

“I’m a big texter. I like to share my thoughts on news, vent about work and just have a little light banter. It helps me get through the day. But my long-term boyfriend is not a texter and literally goes hours without texting me back. He was a lot better early in our relationship, but it’s been a few years, and he’s no longer as communicative. It bothers me a lot, but I can’t tell what a reasonable amount of communication is. He insists what we had was too much. What’s the answer?” This is actually a very common problem in relationships. Why? Probably because our standards for communication are often set in the dating phase when things are new and exciting and you have a lot to learn about each other. For lots of folks, once you settle into a relationship, get into a routine and even move in together, there’s less urgency. When communication in a relationship evolves and our expectations don’t, there’s a dissonance, and to resolve it, we need to check in with ourselves and our partner. But before you get to that, here’s a general guideline for how communication tends to ebb and flow throughout a relationship. Read on, and try to point to where you might land.

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