Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Анастасия Климец
The sex toy retailer Lovehoney (motto: "The Sexual Happiness People") surveyed 4,400 of its customers to find that most heterosexual couples have sex that lasts for an average of 19 minutes. Typically that amounts to about 10 minutes of foreplay and 9 of penetrative intercourse.
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Read More »The age-old question persists: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Also: How long should I last in bed? Lucky for you, there's an answer to the second one. The sex toy retailer Lovehoney (motto: "The Sexual Happiness People") surveyed 4,400 of its customers to find that most heterosexual couples have sex that lasts for an average of 19 minutes. Typically that amounts to about 10 minutes of foreplay and 9 of penetrative intercourse. Of the couples surveyed, 52% said they were happy with that number, while 23% of men and 19% of women said they wanted longer sexy sessions. Look, we all deserve a round of applause that anyone's having sex in the first place. Bravo! But this number might sound a little high, at least compared to previous studies. One 2008 study that gauged the opinions of sex therapists on a spectrum of "adequate," "desirable," "too short," and "too long," found that "adequate" equated to 3-7 minutes and "desirable" equated to 7-13 minutes. A 2016 study of 500 heterosexual couples clocked the average couple at just 5.4 minutes, not including foreplay. So perhaps surveying a dataset of presumably kinkier, "Sexual Happiness"-seeking customers yielded some skewed results here, but we should arguably all be seeking sexual happiness anyway, so the Lovehoney study isn't entirely without merit. But the average duration of sex doesn't tell the whole story of course, especially since it measures time between penetration to ejaculation. There's a whole universe of sexuality and relationships out there that has little to nothing to do with penetration. The Lovehoney study points out that 75% of men surveyed climax every time they have sex while just 28% of women do; closing that gap is why the survey was released in the first place as part of Lovehoney's Mind the Gap campaign. So gentlemen, please, remember that She Comes First and maybe study up a bit before the next time you head into the bedroom.
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Read More »According to 2020 OKCupid data on 6,000 people shared with mindbodygreen, 62% of people think you should say "I love you" "as soon as you feel it," whereas 22% think you should wait "several months," and 3% think you should wait "at least a year." On average, research has found men take about three months to say "I ...
In general, if two people love each other, it doesn't matter who says "I love you" first. If you're not sure whether your partner feels the same way you do, you can still tell them how you feel—just be mindful of why you're doing it. If you just want to let them know where your heart is at and don't mind whether or not your feelings are reciprocated, go for it. "There is so much taboo around what 'I love you' means and who we say it to," Brown-James says. "I suggest taking a bit of time to inventory your feelings. Honoring your feelings of vulnerability is risky and can be scary. It is, however, a way to build intimacy." That said, Manly points out that those three little words can carry a lot of weight for some people, so it's worth considering how your confession might affect them and your relationship. "A person's proclamation of love can bring a 'not-so-ready' person closer, yet it can also scare someone away," she says. If it's important for you to have the other person love you back, Manly recommends paying attention to body language cues as well as the other types of language they use to describe how they feel about you. "Couples often test each other out by paying attention to key phrases such as 'I'm catching feelings for you,' 'I really like you,' or 'I feel so close to you,'" she says. "Notice if these precursors to 'I love you' are in play. If they are, it may be the right time to voice how you feel."
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