How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between the period of one month to a year affair, long term affairs may last long-term, for about 15 months or more, and about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond.
There are many schools of thought regarding extramarital affairs. In some circles, the term affairs are not talked about but that is generally accepted as a part of real-life situations, without a lot of moral judgment or disdain. In some circles, an affair is the last act of ultimate betrayal, as it warrants a swift and emphatic removal from someone’s life. In others, affairs are painful but accepted, and couples try to move forward in health and forgiveness. No matter the cultural paradigm in real life or personal belief system, certain themes tend to emerge when someone has an affair, many of them transcending age, years of marriage, background, gender, and race. How Do You Define Affairs? The Affair Recovery Process Can Be Difficult Get Support From An Online Counselor Affairs are commonly referred to as intense emotional and romantic relationships with someone other than your partner or spouse; by being the other woman or man to someone else. How do long term affairs typically last? On a general note, most emotional affairs at work do not last for a long period (though there are exceptions to this) and usually happen between two people who are not maritally committed to each other. Affairs may last along a continuum, from emotional affairs to serial affairs, or romantic love affairs, and even long-term affairs which may span for years or even an entire lifetime. The emotional investment of the affair partners depends on what type of affair it is, and how long the affair may last also depends on several factors. Things aren’t always fixed and seemingly meaningless affairs may transform into romantic love affairs, or an emotional affair may grow to become affairs that last more than a year. Type of Affairs That Usually Exist All the types of affairs are very personal for everyone that usually bring with them many kinds of emotions — both the good and the bad. How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between the period of one month to a year affair, long term affairs may last long-term, for about 15 months or more, and about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond. It could be that at some point, one (or both) of the affair partners may find that the affair has become more trouble than it is really worth it, and then break the affair off. In some instances, that affair is somehow discovered by the betrayed spouse, and this may bring a halt to the affair. Why Does Affairs Distinction Matter And Definition? The distinction between cheating and an affair is usually a matter of the brevity with which it is treated. Some believe that the bonds of marriage are more sacred than a committed partnership, and that stepping outside of marriage with an affair is far more egregious than cheating on someone you are dating because it can come along with a tremendous amount of shame and guilt. This is not always the case, however, particularly among couples that do not prioritize the contract of marriage or are not bothered by an affair. If marriage is not seen as a normal progression of a relationship, there is no real distinction between cheating in a relationship and cheating in a marriage. In these cases, the term “affair” can apply to a dating relationship, and the aftermath can be as overwhelming, painful, and devastating as an affair would be in a traditional marriage.
How Do Affairs Usually End Or Last? How do most emotional affairs end? Affairs usually end in one of three ways: divorce and remarriage, divorce and relationship loss, or the recommitment to the relationship that was betrayed. Each of these resolutions to an affair has its own pros and cons, and each of them has a unique set of circumstances surrounding why they occurred, and how the parties involved in the affair reacted and responded. 1) Divorce & Remarriage For some, an affair indicates the start of a new relationship and the last of an old life. In that instance, an emotional connection is usually a factor, and that spouse who had the affair leaves their spouse for that affair partner. An affair that ends in this way might set a cycle in motion that involves more affairs, subsequent divorce, and more marriage, but that resulting relationship might also prove to last a year or more; no two affairs are the same. 2) Divorce & Relationship Loss An affair might also end in both the loss of one’s spouse and the loss of whatever relationship prompted infidelity. In some cases, this comes as a result of all parties being made aware of one another: some people who step outside of their commitments do so without informing their affair partner of their marriage or long-term relationship status and suffer the consequences when their new flame discovers the lie. 3) More Marital Recommitment In some cases, an affair prompts a revival of marriage and encourages each partner to invest more time, effort, and energy in their relationship. Couples in crisis can absolutely overcome the pain and betrayal that follows an affair. The road to recovery can take literal years and is very often not linear in its resolution. This means that marriages recovering from affairs might experience periods of separation, followed by reunions, with more separations and reunions year after year. Although there are certainly cases where both partners work hard to resolve their issues on their own, getting back together and working on your relationship in the wake of an affair usually involves the help of a therapist or marriage counselor. There are many painful, frustrating, and difficult interactions on the healing journey from an affair and many of these are best completed with the help of a mediating third person. Why Do People Have Affairs? Because affairs never occur without plenty of pain, heartache, and betrayal, it begs the question: why do people have affairs? Why bring so much pain to yourself, your former partner, and your current partner? Do affairs ever work? The exact reasons for engaging in affairs are varied and diverse, but there are often a few common reasons given.
These can include or contain:
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The most common reason given for having an affair is experiencing dissatisfaction in your current relationship.
People who are unhappy in their current love lives often believe they will find happiness elsewhere, aka by having affairs.
They chase that rabbit hole to the inevitable conclusion of an affair.
The result is rarely (if ever) effective in improving satisfaction, but is frequently used as a temporary solution to what they are feeling.
2) Perpetuating Unhealthy Habits
For some, an affair is a simple (if unfortunate) manifestation of long-standing issues with intimacy, communication, and commitment.
For these people, monogamous relationships might feel as though they are steel traps-traps that must be shaken off in any way possible. An example is a husband still using the services of married affairs websites.
This could be due to unhealthy relationship examples in youth (a parent who constantly dates, but never seems willing or able to commit, for instance), a traumatic dating history that was never addressed, or a simple fear of rejection.
When affairs occur in these relationships, it is often wholly unrelated to the relationship itself, or the partner involved, but is based almost entirely on unresolved trauma, pain, and maladaptive coping.
Whether it is an addiction to sex, alcohol, or drugs, affairs can be a common companion to addictive behaviors and disorders.
Just as someone who is suffering from substance abuse must engage novelty to achieve the same high they experienced the first time they indulged in drug use, someone who struggles with addiction might use the rush of endorphins and other hormones that comes with affairs as a means of achieving natural highs, and staving off predictability and letdown.
4) Poor Communication Skills
While it might seem silly to suggest that poor communication skills can cause an affair, it bears weight.
Communication lays the foundation for a healthy relationship, and the lack of communication can lead to a decreased social function, increased relationship dissatisfaction, and a decreased ability to express your wants and needs.
If you are unable to communicate that you are upset, feeling dissatisfied, or feeling as though you want to step outside of your relationship, you may be more likely to indulge these impulses and have affairs.
Affairs End
The Affair Recovery Process Can Be Difficult Get Support From An Online Counselor
The exact trajectory of an affair differs, and the affair also differs from situation to situation.
What does not change, however, is the damage that affairs do.
Any betrayal by an intimate partner comes with immense pain and trauma and can cause the development of mood disorders and a host of more issues, ranging from difficulty trusting others, to actual medical conditions.
Whether an affair ends in divorce and remarriage, divorce and a breakup, or reconciliation, all of the parties involved will experience loss and pain, and most will experience the regret of some form.
Conclusion: Affair
If you found out that your partner having emotional affair, there are two options. Whether you decide to continue with the marriage or get separated, you need to forgive yourself and also forgive your partner- this is an integral part of your healing process.
For the unfaithful spouse, you need to seek help and work towards fixing your marriage.
When you decide to get over an affair and make your marriage work, remember that it is not a walk in the park. If you think your marriage is worth fighting for and your partner decides to move past what has happened and rebuild your marriage, then you need to seek marriage counseling; talk to a marriage and family therapist like those at...
ReGain to help you through the healing process and work with you on building a strong and lasting marriage.
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn further about therapy and how it can help an affair, please see below:
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264
Meet Our Therapists
Carla Noto-Vencill - MA,LMFT
The Affair Recovery Process Can Be Difficult Get Support From An Online Counselor
Cynthia Wiedemann - LMFT
Therapy Can Help You Overcome Pain From Affairs, Affairs in General, or Repeated Affairs
Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. Keeping these things in mind can ensure you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of whether your specific goals are about working through the affair, affairs, or something beyond the affairs. If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you and if it fits your budget or have more questions about insurance, please contact us at contact@regain.us. For further information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on:
For further information on mental health, please see:
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About An Affair
Do affairs relationships last?
According to a 2017 study, relationships that started due to mate poaching are generally less satisfied, less committed, and less invested in their relationships when compared to people whose relationships started when they were both single.
People in relationships that started with mate poaching also tend to be further interested in pursuing other relationship options, in other words, they’re likely to cheat again.
How long do affairs last?
The longevity of an affair can depend on varying factors. Some are one year and others don't even make it that long.
A short-term affair could be anything from a one-night stand to an occasional hookup over a year.
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A long affair or long-term affair where there’s a serious relationship with a married woman or man could be anywhere from six months to a year to several years, at which point the couple will probably be discovered.
How does infidelity end?
Infidelity is usually discovered at one point. At which point, the married couple will face a choice.
They will either decide to end the marriage and deal with subsequent issues of alimony, divorce, and child support, or they will decide to stay together.
Contrary to popular belief, most married couples stay together after one has an affair.
Some couples even use it as a wake-up call to deal with greater problems in the relationship and use it as an opportunity to bring passion back to their union.
Other people choose to divorce and perhaps that affair becomes a relationship.
However, relationships that started with cheating are statistically less likely to be successful than relationships that started in other circumstances, and one of the reasons for this is that these affairs are built on infatuation, secrecy, and deception, and so do not have what it takes to stand when it comes to face to face with real-life challenges.
In fact, only 3-5% of relationships that started as infidelity lead to marriage.
Percentage of infidelity ends in divorce?
It’s possible to save your marriage after an affair. In fact, the majority of married couples will stay together after an affair.
Fewer than 25% of married men and women will leave their marriage for a partner they met while having an affair.
So, a married woman or man is not likely to leave their marriage for a lover.
This could be due to people not wanting to deal with legal issues like alimony, child support, and the justice system, or it could be because that affair was a wake-up call, which they used to bring further togetherness and intimacy into their own relationship.
Couples can recover after infidelity affairs or marital affairs, so if you’re wondering if that’s possible for a personal romantic relationship of yours where marital affairs have been present, know that it is possible if both you and your spouse are dedicated and invested in healing your trust and the relationship overall.
Are affairs real love? Can there be more than to the infidelity?
This is a complex question that will significantly depend on your personal situation. Can people find love outside of marriage? Yes.
But, in terms of statistics, does infidelity usually lead to happy and satisfying relationships?
No, not usually.
Couples who started as cheating then later came together, whether they were couple friends, best friends, coworkers, or in-laws, tend to be deeply unhappy in their relationships as opposed to people who both started single.
It may feel good at the beginning; you both love to spend time together in each other’s company.
However, these affairs rarely last, especially when tested with real-life challenges.
Also, someone who cheated in their marriage or relationship is about three times more likely to cheat again in later relationships.
For that reason, it is best to seek out available partners, because if they are cheating in their relationship, then they might be using you for reasons other than genuine love.
How many marriages survive infidelity?
More than half of marriages survive infidelity. Many couples even report feeling stronger and deeper in love after surviving an affair, but it takes a lot of work and some deep forgiveness.
There are a lot of things that could complicate the way that a relationship recovers from an affair;
for example, if that affair partner is many years younger, there could be a particular sense of betrayal, hurt, confusion, and even a sense of inadequacy for the betrayed spouse.
The same can be true for those who find out about long-term affairs.
It is certainly possible that infidelity start and end multiple times.
For that reason, it is a good idea to talk to a professional about your situation and seek out advice.
As the betrayed spouse, you need to give yourself time, grieve but don’t allow yourself to dwell in there for too long.
Be sincere about how you feel, open up about how you feel to your friends and family, and seek the right help.
Understanding the how and the why of that affair will also go a long way to help you heal.
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Rachel Claire
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