Infatuation Rules
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How long a kiss should last?

You've probably never timed it, but maybe you've wished it lasted longer. In John Gottman's relationship research, he was able to find that six seconds is the length of a kiss that can actually create a connection with your partner. In fact, he recommends you have at least one six-second kiss per day.

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Have you ever wondered if your kiss is lasting long enough? You’ve probably never timed it, but maybe you’ve wished it lasted longer. In John Gottman’s relationship research, he was able to find that six seconds is the length of a kiss that can actually create a connection with your partner. In fact, he recommends you have at least one six-second kiss per day. John calls the six-second kiss “a kiss with potential.” An important part of your relationship is building and maintaining a connection with your partner. When we feel really connected, conflict and hard times tend to seem easier to get through. Our connection helps us see our partner in a positive light and focus on the things we appreciate about them instead of things that bother us. When the connection is really strong in your relationship, you are in positive sentiment override. This is a term used to describe couples who see a positive perspective in their relationship due to their strong connection.

Benefits of incorporating the six-second kiss daily:

It helps you feel closer physically.

It’s an invitation for further connection.

It can reduce stress.

It makes connection a priority.

It can lead to intimacy.

It prioritizes your relationship.

It’s a way to have fun together.

It counts as a positive experience together.

It feels good.

A kissing homework assignment

Try out timing your six-second kiss once to get a feel for the length. (You don’t want to time it every time as it will distract you from the connection.) Grab your partner, set a timer on your phone, and get to kissing. You can make it a game by guessing when you’ve hit six seconds or seeing the longest kiss you can do without taking a breath.

A great time to incorporate a six-second kiss into your daily routine is a kiss when parting for the day or when reuniting at the end of the day. Take a few minutes to check in about the day after the kiss as well. Making the six-second kiss a daily habit will be one of the easiest and quickest ways you can boost connection in your relationship. What else can you do for less than one minute a week that will improve your relationship?

The takeaway from this article is simple. Making time for small connections leads to big results. Investing time to connect each day with your partner is worth the time and effort. To get out of the feeling of being roommates, the connection needs to be at the forefront. Strong, healthy couples make time daily to connect and enjoy that intimacy.

Facebook image: Hrecheniuk Oleksii/Shutterstock

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What body language flirts?

When you are flirting or interacting with your potential love interest, most likely your body and feet will be facing towards them. Not only does this tell them you're interested, but it also shows that you respect them–you're paying them full attention, with the whole of your body.

Self-Touching Behaviours

Similar to preening behaviours, self-touch can also increase when we like someone, but there’s a caveat–self-touch also increases when we feel stressed. Hopefully, how you self-touch and the other positive nonverbal signals that you send at the same time, send the right message of interest and not discomfort. Let’s deconstruct this to gain a deeper understanding. Self-touch increases when we are stressed because it brings us comfort–subconsciously. Partly because it releases oxytocin within us and partly because it reminds us of being comforted by others. Because it’s comforting, we also do it to bring more pleasure to an already pleasurable moment–like when we’re reading a good book, in the comfort of our own home, twirling our hair at the same time. Or, like when we’re in the presence of our love interest–we’re feeling good, but we want to bring even more pleasure to the pleasurable moment. As you can imagine, in circumstances of stress or pleasure, self-touch looks different. For example, if you’re playing with your hair when you’re flirting, your wrists (another vulnerable part of the body) are more likely to be exposed, your body relaxed, and you’re more likely to be smiling. Whereas, if you’re playing with your hair when stressed, your wrists wouldn't be exposed, and your expression and body would be tense. The other reason self-touch increases, is to draw attention to specific parts of our body. These behaviours usually occur at a subconscious level. Sometimes we draw attention to our face, or other parts of the body we want to accentuate. In some cases it’s the mouth or lips–in this case, the message is usually one of sexual intent.

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