Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: cottonbro studio
After six weeks most people start to adjust to life without their ex, says Durvasula. “It could be a lot quicker, but typically it's not much longer,” she says. “I tell my clients all the time: Give everything six weeks before you think you are not coping well.”
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Read More »There’s no getting around it: Breakups suck. And in the aftermath, you're also faced with one question that no doubt keeps circling in your head: “How long does it take to get over a breakup?” Even when you're the one doing the dumping, a split can trigger an emotional fallout. And when you’re on the bad side of a breakup, it likely stings even worse than it might have if you had pulled the plug. Wanting to short-circuit the healing process and just get over it already is a natural impulse, but unfortunately, experts say it can take a while—but maybe not as long as you think. “Breakups hurt,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? The end of a relationship often comes with a complicated range of emotions—sadness, self-doubt, and anger—she says. Translation: Breakups are incredibly disruptive to your daily life, especially if you were in a serious relationship. That takes time to move on from. “We take six to eight weeks to heal a broken leg after it has been cast, so why not a broken heart?” So exactly how long does it take to get over a breakup and let your heart heal? There are a few major factors that influence the process, says Brandy Engler, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist specializing in relationships: What you tell yourself about the breakup, what you tell yourself about the future, and what you tell yourself about yourself.
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Read More »If you start worrying that you won’t find someone new or that no one will be as good as your ex, it can also draw out the recovery. “It's better to tell yourself that you are on a path to learning how to love better and keep your eyes on that goal of improving your ability to connect and love so that the next relationship will be better,” Engler says. What you tell yourself about yourself—and what you should do to get over a breakup It’s tempting to engage in a little self-loathing when a relationship goes south, blaming yourself for every little thing that went wrong picking apart the personal "flaws" that stood between you and happily ever after. Tempting, sure, but really, that’s not healthy or helpful. Instead, Engler recommends taking a few minutes each day after a breakup to meditate and focus on loving every part of you. “Cultivate an attitude of self-nurturing the pain, and the sense of good will toward yourself will make it hard to do self-destructive things, which is really tempting after a breakup,” she says. If meditation isn’t your thing, Durvasula recommends engaging in some self-love habits like getting plenty of sleep, eating well, exercising, and spending time with your friends. If you’re able to, she says, it’s also a good idea to get a change of scenery—take a vacation or a day trip. “Seeing the same places and spaces can make things hurt,” she says. “If you can get out of town, it can be a reboot.” And get off social media: “The last thing you need is to see your ex moving on,” Durvasula says.
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