“A lot of guys describe erections as feeling full and sensitive in a really pleasurable way if they happen at the right time,” Friedrichs says. “But an erection can start to feel pretty uncomfortable if it turns up at an unexpected time — say, like in the middle of math class.” Now that's a bit more awkward.
There’s a lot to learn in sex ed, including — but certainly not limited to — sexual identity, what exactly happens during puberty, the importance of practicing safe sex, and how to make informed decisions about sex. Your health teacher might have demonstrated how to correctly put on a condom, but they might have glossed over the stuff you really wanted to learn about — like, how penises work, what erections feel like, and if a guy’s penis can ever — eeeeeeek! — break.
It’s not embarrassing or weird to be curious about penises and how they function. If you’re sexually active or are thinking about being sexually active, it’s super important to know information like the efficacy of condoms, the truth about blue balls, what erections mean, and so on. There are a lot of variables to sexual health and it’s natural to want to know all the details.
Ellen Kate Friedrichs, a sexuality educator and writer in Brooklyn, New York, breaks down everything you’ve always wanted to know about penises and erections. Below, she answers all of the questions about penises that you’ve been too embarrassed to ask, but should definitely know.
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What are blue balls?
When a guy gets turned on but doesn’t come, he can sometimes feel an ache in his testicles that’s referred to as blue balls. Their genitals don’t actually turn bright blue, but there can be a slightly blue tinge.
You should never feel pressured into hooking up with someone or going further than you’re comfortable with because they complain of blue balls. “This is not dangerous and he sure doesn’t need to have sex with a partner to deal with it,” Friedrichs explains. “Either he can do something non-sexual until it goes away, or he can masturbate.”
What does an erection feel like?
Erections, also known colloquially as “boners,” occur when a man is sexually aroused and blood vessels in the penis open up and fill with blood, according to the Cleveland Clinic. This hardens the penis, and if a man orgasms, ejaculation (or semen) is released.
“A lot of guys describe erections as feeling full and sensitive in a really pleasurable way if they happen at the right time,” Friedrichs says. “But an erection can start to feel pretty uncomfortable if it turns up at an unexpected time — say, like in the middle of math class.” Now that’s a bit more awkward.
Why are some guys circumcised? What’s the difference between a circumcised and uncircumcised penis?
“Being circumcised just means the foreskin covering the head of the penis is removed,” Friedrichs explains. “The number of baby boys who are circumcised in the U.S. ranges from about 40 to 60 percent, depending on the decade.”
Some parents choose to circumcise their sons for religious reasons (it’s traditional for Jewish and Islamic families, per Boston Children’s Hospital) or cultural reasons. It’s an elective procedure in the United States, but a fairly widespread practice. According to the CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics, although the national rate for circumcision has declined about 10 percent from 1979 to 2010, an estimated 58 percent of newborn males are circumcised.
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Imagine the difference between a neck covered by a turtleneck versus a bare neck, and you have a pretty good picture of what the difference is between the two. When it comes to hooking up, guys who have their foreskin intact are slicker and more naturally lubricated than guys who are circumcised. And while some people fear circumcision reduces sensitivity, one recent study published in Sexual Medicine found that’s not true.
However, an uncircumcised penis does need extra attention when showering or bathing, to avoid infections or a buildup of bacteria. “If a guy isn’t cut, he should just make sure to pull back his foreskin when he takes a bath or shower and wash around the head of the penis,” Friedrichs says.
Why does a guy need an erection in order to have vaginal sex?
“Penetration is generally easier if a guy has a full erection,” Friedrichs says. “Having an erection is super important for using a condom properly, so that it doesn’t fall off.”
Do condoms really reduce someone’s sensation during sex?
Some people may try to convince their partners not to use condoms because they claim sex doesn’t feel as good when they wear them. But that’s not a valid reason to risk getting pregnant or a sexually transmitted infection. “Enough guys have great sex using condoms that I would argue that, even if they affect sensation a bit, [many] don’t feel like condoms get in the way of great sex,” Friedrichs says.
Most importantly, condoms are the only way to protect yourself from STIs, plus, they’re 85 percent effective at preventing pregnancy when used properly, according to Planned Parenthood. If someone prioritizes sensation during sex over health and safety for both of you, that’s a huge red flag.
Can a penis ever break?
Weirdly enough, boners don’t contain any actual bones. But it is possible to fracture a penis, and although rare, it can be extremely painful. According to the Mayo Clinic, if one of the two cylinders filled with blood in an erectile penis ruptures (from a sudden or too-forceful bend), a fracture can occur.
“Don’t ever bend an erection,” Friedrichs warns. “That can cause real damage to the tissue of the penis.” The resulting injury can include painful bruising and swelling. Yikes.
If you’re hooking up with someone and they don’t get hard, does that mean they don’t like you?
When someone is super turned on, they often get hard (meaning, they have an erection), but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not into you if they don’t. “It’s also just as likely that he is nervous or tired or distracted,” Friedrichs says.
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Remember, guys can feel self-conscious or nervous about their bodies, especially when they’re hooking up. If they’re not hard, that’s not necessarily a sign that they’re not into you. If you’re feeling insecure or preoccupied with something else, you might not be feeling it, even if you really like the person, and guys are no different.
What are wet dreams and why do guys have them? Do girls have the equivalent?
If a guy ejaculates in his sleep, it’s called a wet dream. They’re sometimes a result of a sexy dream, but not always, and are more common during puberty.
“Girls can also orgasm in their sleep,” Friedrichs says. “But we don’t hear about this as much simply because, unlike the evidence of a wet dream left by semen, if a girl had an orgasm in her sleep, it usually isn’t as obvious in the morning.”
What size is the average penis?
Penises come in all different sizes, especially for teens who are still developing. Plus, Friedrichs adds, “The size of a guy when he is soft isn’t an indication of how big he will be when he’s hard.” When someone gets hard, their penis might grow by a couple inches.
By the time men reach adulthood, the average size is approximately 3.6 inches long when soft and 5.2 inches long when hard, according to a study conducted of 15,000 men at King’s College London and published in the British Journal of Urology International.
Why are guys so obsessed with penis size?
You’ve heard their jokes. So, what’s the big deal about penis size? Friedrichs points to porn. “You rarely see a guy with a small or even average-sized penis in porn, so huge penises seem normal and almost expected,” she says. “Plus, there’s a myth that a big penis is needed to satisfy a partner. It isn’t.”
During sex, vaginal penetration might feel good for women, but doesn’t help them have orgasms. Clitoral stimulation does — and that has nothing to do with penis size.
Why do guys sometimes not-so-subtly scratch their balls in public?
Guys sometimes need to itch or readjust. Balls have a tendency to move uncomfortably in clothing, or stick to the side of their leg, especially when exercising, walking, or sweating.
While this move might make a guy feel slightly more comfortable, it tends to make people around them feel kind of uncomfortable. It’s like dealing with a wedgie.
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