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How do you start a conversation without being awkward?

Be brave, worry less. Even if it's uncomfortable, be brave and just do it, Sandstrom says. ... Be curious. Ask questions. ... Don't be afraid to go off-script. ... Give someone a compliment. ... Talk about something you both have in common. ... Have more conversations with people you don't know. ... Don't let the awkward moments trip you up.

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Think of the last conversation you had with someone you didn’t know. Did certain moments feel awkward? Did you find the other person interesting? Did the other person find you interesting? Were you glad you had the conversation?

Research from a group of social psychologists would suggest the answer to all of those questions would be yes. The researchers led a workshop for individuals in the community to learn how to get better at talking to strangers, and asked participants about those conversations — both before and after they happened. The results showed that both prior to and after having the conversation, people thought they would find their partners interesting, explains study author Gillian Sandstrom, PhD, senior lecturer in the department of psychology at University of Essex. But, they don’t think that their partner will find them as interesting in return, she tells NBC News BETTER. “And nearly everyone says the conversations actually went way better than they thought.” The results were published in the journal "Psychological Science" in the fall and presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology Annual Convention in February. The individuals who attended, elected to attend the event, so the sample was a somewhat unique group in that they were motivated to get better at conversations from the get-go, Sandstrom notes. But the data would suggest that even if conversations feel awkward, they’re probably going better than you think, she says. Also, maybe we can get a lot better at connecting with people we don’t know, be it a new coworker, a friend of a friend, or the grocery store cashier. Here’s what Sandstrom and others want you to know about how to talk to people you don’t know — and why it can actually do you a lot of good.

Talking to new people is hard because there are so many unknowns

Talking to someone you don’t know is uncharted territory. Compared with talking to your partner, your best friend, or your mom, the unknowns make it challenging and potentially intimidating, Sandstrom says. “We go into conversations thinking all these awful things can happen.” The other person might talk too much. We might talk too much. They might shut down. We might get bored. They might get bored. There might be an uncomfortable silence. They might be trying to hit on me. They might be trying to hurt me somehow (which could be the response that’s a relic of our evolutionary past, Sandstrom says).

Context matters, too, Georgie Nightingall, a conversation coach and founder of Trigger Conversations, a London-based organization dedicated to teaching people how to have better and more meaningful conversations, tells NBC BETTER. There are unwritten social norms in every context, which we tend to want to follow, but we may not always be sure of. Will revealing a certain fact about ourselves make us appear more credible or likable? Will being too bold impress or turn someone off?

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“We want to be liked, or at least accepted by other people,” she says. “In order to not break these norms, we sometimes act like we’re treading on eggshells.”

We’re social beings. Even uncomfortable conversations are good for our wellbeing.

But, despite the awkward pauses, the missteps, and the unsure footing, talking to new people (even complete strangers we likely won’t see again) is good for us. Studies show that even minimal social interactions (say, chatting with that stranger on the train) boosts mood, for example. In one study, researchers recruited individuals at random as they entered a crowded coffee shop downtown Vancouver, directing some to try to have a conversation with the barista and others to be as efficient as possible in their coffee fetching. The former group reported leaving the coffee shop in a better mood and having a better sense of belonging in their community compared with the efficient group. (The study was published in 2013 in the journal "Social Psychological and Personality Science".) It’s impossible to know from the data how this mood-boosting strategy compares to other methods or how long the effect would last, says study co-author Elizabeth Dunn, PhD, professor of psychology at University of British Columbia (Sandstrom was the other co-author). “But it’s a low-hanging fruit.” The conversations, Dunn adds: “they’re value-adds.”

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