Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Ksenia Chernaya
How to Disengage Stop all communication – take a break from social media, do not answer your phone or text messages from the narcissist. ... Have a plan – know when you are going to leave and where you are going to go. ... Find support – work with a therapist or counselor experienced in supporting people leaving narcissists. More items... •
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Read More »Getting into a relationship with a narcissist is easy, but getting out of this relationship is difficult. A narcissist is highly manipulative. He or she knows how to push buttons to create intense feelings of guilt, persuasion, hope, blame, and even empathy for them, trapping you in the relationship even when you know it is not in your best interest to stay. Often partners of narcissists fail to see they are in a dysfunctional relationship, particularly if they came from a dysfunctional family where a parent was an addict or a narcissist. In these situations, the current behavior or the partner may be familiar to you; even if it's evident to others it is unhealthy and disturbing. Signs that a narcissist senses the end of the relationship and is trying to hold on include: Promises of change – it is very common for the narcissist to go back into the charm phase of the relationship and to try to use promises of making a permanent change to entice you to stay. This can be very effective if they are highly charismatic and know how to appeal to you and your desire to be in a relationship. Gaslighting – using the technique of gaslighting, the narcissist attempts to create a version of reality that explains the negative behavior in a way that is very different than how you knew it happened. They try to convince you of your mistaken assumptions or perceptions and paint a version of reality that is flattering to their behavior, words, or actions. Blaming something else – a narcissist may attempt to blame stress at work, pressure from finances, friends, or family members, or even other external factors for their bad behavior. He or she may even blame you for their bad behaviors. The implication is that the removal of these issues will allow them to make positive changes. Making you the bad person – by creating a sense of guilt, shame, or blame in the breakup or the lack of harmony in the relationship, the narcissists puts you on the defensive. This is intentional, with the hope that you stay to prove them wrong. The more you try to do things to prove you are not the bad person, the more the narcissist twists your actions. Even if you leave, the narcissist will demand you engage, interact, and provide them with attention. This may be through phone calls, social media, multiple texts, or showing up at your work or home.
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