Infatuation Rules
Photo: Ketut Subiyanto
Setting clear boundaries for future contact can help make the breakup easier for you both. Take some time apart. Even if you both know you want to maintain a friendship, a little space for some time won't hurt. ... Respect each other's needs. ... Maintain some physical and emotional distance. ... Discuss how you'll handle encounters.
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Read More »Share on Pinterest Breakups and the emotions they bring up are complicated. Relief, confusion, heartbreak, grief — all of these are perfectly normal reactions to the end of a relationship. Even if things end in healthy and productive way, you’ll probably still be left with some uncomfortable feelings. These tips can help you begin the process of picking up the pieces and moving forward. Just remember, you will get through it, regardless of how hard things feel right now. Establishing boundaries It’s sometimes easy to avoid crossing paths with an ex-partner after a breakup. But if you live in a small town or know a lot of the same people, you might have a harder time completely separating your lives. Setting clear boundaries for future contact can help make the breakup easier for you both. Take some time apart Even if you both know you want to maintain a friendship, a little space for some time won’t hurt. Taking a break from texting and hanging out can help you both start healing. Licensed marriage and family therapist Katherine Parker suggests waiting between 1 and 3 months before getting back in touch with your ex if that’s something you’re interested in. This gives you time to focus on yourself, she says. It can also help you avoid falling into a harmful pattern of offering emotional support to your ex-partner and prolonging the breakup. Respect each other’s needs If you want to stay friends but your ex doesn’t want any contact, you need to respect that. Don’t call, text, or ask their friends to talk to them for you. You might miss them dearly, but not respecting their boundaries will likely hurt any future chance of friendship. Alternately, if your ex contacts you, especially before you’re ready to talk, don’t feel obligated to respond. This can be difficult, especially if they seem vulnerable or express feelings similar to your own. Remind yourself that you both need time and space to deal with those difficult emotions and wait until the no-contact period has passed. Maintain some physical and emotional distance If you want to try the friendship thing after some time apart, keep an eye out for old patters and behaviors. Maybe you lean your head on their shoulder while watching a movie or they come to you for help during a crisis. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these behaviors, but they can lead to a lot of confusion and further heartbreak. If you and your ex want to maintain a friendship, you have to act like friends. ‘Just friends’ guidelines Keeping some distance means not doing anything you wouldn’t typically do with a friend, such as: cuddling or other close contact
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