Infatuation Rules
Photo: Polina Zimmerman
What to say to someone when they are shutting you out “I understand you're feeling…” “I've given you a lot to consider. I'll give you time to digest.” “Let's take a breather and come back to this another time.” “I'm sorry I said…” or “I'm sorry I didn't…” “I'm not upset with you. ... “When you ignore me I feel…”
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Read More »Stonewalling during an argument may protect you from psychological overwhelm, but to your partner, it can come off as deliberate avoidance. Share on Pinterest Westend61/Getty Images Feeling ignored when you’re in an emotionally charged moment can be frustrating. You’re trying to work through an issue, but suddenly someone shuts down and goes unresponsive. This reaction is known as stonewalling. From the outside, it can feel like that person has shut down emotionally. If you’re the one shutting down, however, you may be inwardly dysregulated. What to do when someone you love shuts down take a break from, or “table” the conversation
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Read More »Communicating assertively doesn’t mean communicating aggressively. Being assertive often means approaching an argument using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Asserting how a situation makes you feel rather than blaming or accusing the other person can avoid putting them immediately on the defensive. A 2009 study found that couples rated communicating anger in an assertive way as more successful than approaching anger from a place of denial or passive-aggressiveness. Learn to self-soothe healthily Self-soothing may help you disengage from an emotional lockdown by shifting your energy. Self-soothing activities, such as reading, meditating, or exercising, can help you regain a sense of calm after an argument. Though there are many ways to relax, options such as smoking or drinking may cause you more complications down the road. Write down your thoughts In the moment, it may be a challenge to get out all the things you want to say. Feeling frustrated by not being able to express yourself may make you feel there’s no point in trying. Writing your thoughts down can help maintain the dialogue between you and your partner when you revisit the conversation later. How to open back up after you’ve been giving the silent treatment “I understand what you’re saying…”
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