How do you know if a relationship no longer serves you?

If you spend time with someone and you continually feel bad about yourself or are giving more than receiving, that's a sign that the relationship isn't serving you. It might be toxic, or it might just be a mismatch. Relationships are vitally important to us, so it's important to choose ones that make us feel good.

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Pinpointing, and letting go of, things or people who no longer serve you can be scary. It’s easy to stay in a “comfort zone.” But often, you have outgrown things in your life and you may not even be aware of it! What no longer serves you can prevent you from living the life you want to live. It can be a career path, job, relationship, project, hobby, belief, behavior, or habit. Letting go of something that no longer serves you can be daunting, but the act of doing so frees up space for new, more beneficial things to enter your life.

Before you let go of something, however, how do you determine what no longer serves you?

You just “know.”

Call it your intuition, your “gut feeling,” or trusting yourself, you often just know when something feels “off” or wrong. You may have an emotional reaction to it, or, the reaction may be physical. You might feel dizzy, sick, fatigued, or feel a “pit” or a tug in your stomach. Slow down and tune into your body and emotions. By being mindful – via meditation, or quiet walks – you can stop your racing mind and internal “to do list” for a few minutes and connect with the present moment. You’ll be surprised at what you will learn.

You dread doing it.

Whether it’s a project, hobby, job, or relationship, you’ll find yourself dreading it. As it gets closer to the time when you need to do something or spend time with someone, you may find yourself wishing you could skip it. An entire day might be ruined because you spent hours dreading it. You might even find that you are happier doing almost anything else. This is a huge red flag that something isn’t serving you.

It no longer brings you joy or meaning.

Many important things in life may not be joyful – for example, a job. However, it can bring meaning or necessary income to your life. You may dread some aspects of your job, like meetings or answering e-mails, but the rest of it might not bother you as much. This isn’t a sign that you need to get rid of it. But if the pain of doing something begins to outweigh the benefits, it may be time to rethink it (and dust off your resume!). A project, relationship, hobby, or activity, however, should bring joy or meaning to your life. If it’s bringing you down, that’s a sign that it’s time to let it go. Behaviors, beliefs, or habits that no longer serve you won’t make you feel good. Some habits, like scrolling your social media feeds, may provide solace in the moment. However, this pleasant feeling this soon leads to regret, as you realize you have spent two hours mindlessly scrolling, rather than doing something that benefits you or brings you joy.

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You’re distracted.

Do you find yourself reaching for your smartphone more than you normally would, while working on a project or spending time with someone? That’s a sign that you’re looking for a distraction to take you away from the current moment. Activities and relationships that resonate with you should make you forget to check your notifications – or, at least, check them less frequently. If they don’t, it’s a sign that something isn’t right.

You dream of a future without it.

When you think about your future, what things, behaviors, or relationships are in it? If you find that it doesn’t include your current career path, for example, that’s a clear sign that it isn’t serving you. If something truly doesn’t resonate with who you are at your core, you won’t want it in your future.

It makes you feel bad about yourself.

This mainly applies to relationships – romantic or otherwise. If you spend time with someone and you continually feel bad about yourself or are giving more than receiving, that’s a sign that the relationship isn’t serving you. It might be toxic, or it might just be a mismatch. Relationships are vitally important to us, so it’s important to choose ones that make us feel good. Since relationships involve another human being, use compassion when deciding to move on. Communication is vital, to avoid hurt feelings or regret. After doing these things, you should be able to identify what is no longer beneficial for your life. If you’re still not sure, meditate on it some more or write down a list of the things or relationships that feel good to you – and which ones don’t. Once you have determined what doesn’t serve you, it’s time to let it go. How do you do that? The next post will show you how to begin.

What has helped you determine what no longer serves you?

teaspoonofhealing.com - How to Recognize What Is No Longer Serving You - A Teaspoon of Healing

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