How do you check up on someone after a breakup?

Common ways to support someone through a breakup include: giving them space to talk or vent. reminding them of their strengths and qualities. doing fun, rejuvinating activities together. offering practical help. in time, helping them look toward, and plan for the future.

psychcentral.com - When They Ask for Help: How to Help a Friend Through a Breakup

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Your friend might need practical support as well as emotional support. Sometimes, your person may know what they need, and other times, you may have to come ready with options. The majority of folks deal with a breakup at some point in life. But even if you’ve experienced the loss of a relationship yourself, it can be difficult to know how to help a friend through the same experience. The end of a relationship can be painful and isolating. If your friend is going through a breakup, they might need your support. “It’s best to understand that recovering from a breakup has many phases,” says Dr. Alexandra Stockwell, a relationship and intimacy coach in Benicia, California. “The first one can be intense, and after that, it may come in waves, at surprising times. A good friend has room for it all, and also makes sure to take space to nourish herself when it gets overwhelming.”

Common ways to support someone through a breakup include:

giving them space to talk or vent

reminding them of their strengths and qualities

doing fun, rejuvinating activities together

offering practical help

in time, helping them look toward, and plan for the future

Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to supporting a friend after a breakup. Rather, their needs will be determined by their circumstances.

Types of relationship breakups and targeted tips

The words you use and the type of support you offer your friend might vary depending on the nature of their relationship, the way it ends, who ends it, and what collateral damage is left behind. Worth noting You might only consider using the below tips and advice if your close friend has opened up about their breakup. If you try to help without being asked, you may overstep their boundaries, and your help might have the opposite effect of what you intended.

Long-distance

It can be especially difficult to get closure at the end of a long-distance relationship. Your friend might need space to mourn the plans they made with their ex-partner, whether that be moving closer to one another or traveling together. It may help to validate their grief and keep in mind the distance didn’t negate their:

degree of intimacy

investment in their partner

hopeful intentions for the relationship

Long-term

The end of a long-term relationship can be painful, especially if their lives are closely intertwined.

If your friend relied on their partner functionally — for example, if they lived together or traveled to work together — they might need practical help. Could you offer them a lift? Do they need help opening their own bank account? Could you help them move?

They might also need support in adjusting to life without their partner. You can help your friend:

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rediscover their values

try to make new friends

adopt new hobbies and activities

With infidelity

“Most people, when cheated on, internalize it as rejection and related to them not being attractive or interesting or smart enough when that is not in fact what motivates cheating much of the time,” explains Stockwell. If your friend’s partner cheated on them, your friend might need you to assure them of their value or remind them there’s life beyond what was done.

Here are ways you can encourage someone who might feel low.

Since infidelity is often jarring, your person might also need space to process and express self-doubt, anger, or regret.

Toxic or abusive

Ending a toxic relationship or leaving an abusive one can be emotionally taxing. If your friend is afraid to leave, you can help them come up with a safety plan. Remember that it’s common for people to return to abusive partners for many reasons. Financial difficulties, safety concerns, and feelings of shame can all make it difficult for someone to leave. Consistent, compassionate support goes a long way in helping your friend leave for good.

Codependent

The end of a relationship can be difficult for people experiencing codependency, as it can feel like they’re losing their identity if they were in an enmeshed relationship. “Supporting a codependent friend can be very challenging because they often run a narrative of self-blame and unfounded hope in what might have been,” Stockwell explains. Your friend might feel they need affirmation of their self-worth and turn to you to validate them. In this case, it may be a better principle to “teach them how to fish” versus “give them a fish” — that is, support them in discovering this affirmation within themselves. You can provide self-affirmation guides and encourage them to explore self-discovery to learn what they really want. You could even venture self-validation alongside them for moral support.

With the parent of their child

Your friend might need pragmatic and emotional support as they transition from being a part of a couple to co-parenting with their ex-partner.

For example, they might need support in:

psychcentral.com - When They Ask for Help: How to Help a Friend Through a Breakup

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