Sometimes, online affairs can transform into in-person affairs. They don't start with malicious intentions. In some cases, casual conversation can snowball into flirting that may be considered cheating. Other times, the person initiating an online affair is seeking external validation, romance, or connection.
Online affairs are generally considered a form of infidelity when someone becomes romantically, sexually, or emotionally involved with someone outside of their committed relationship.1 However, this ultimately depends on each couple’s definition of what is considered cheating in their partnership.
Online affairs can start in multiple ways. They may begin with complete strangers, but they also could start with acquaintances, friends, or coworkers. Sometimes, online affairs can transform into in-person affairs. They don’t start with malicious intentions. In some cases, casual conversation can snowball into flirting that may be considered cheating. Other times, the person initiating an online affair is seeking external validation, romance, or connection.
Why Do People Have Online Affairs?
People may have online affairs to compensate for frustrations, resentment, or boredom in their romantic relationships. Someone experiencing relationship problems or feeling insecure may be more likely to seek online companionship. Furthermore, even despite their relationship satisfaction, people may cheat out of anger, lack of love, commitment issues, neglect, and sexual desire.2
Some people rationalize online affairs as “safer” or less problematic than in-person affairs. For example, they could assume that, if they’re not having sex with someone else, they’re still being faithful to the relationship. However, even if they aren’t sexting or texting inappropriately, they can still be unfaithful and have an emotional affair online.
9 Signs of Online Affairs
Regardless of your stance on what counts as infidelity, it’s important to know the general warning signs of online affairs. These can include changes in behavior and routines, decreased interest in the relationship, and increased time on their electronic devices.
Below are nine signs of an online affair:
Adding passwords to previously unlocked devices Sudden changes in behavior Hiding or putting away electronic devices when you walk into the room Becoming defensive or refusing to show you their Internet history Evidence of secret social media accounts Spending more and more time online Withdrawing from usual hobbies or relationships Changes in sleep patterns (e.g., catching them using their phone in the middle of the night) Sudden change in sex drive without explanation (increase or decrease)
Examples of Online Affairs
Online affairs can look differently depending on the type, intensity, and relationship boundaries. For instance, some people consider watching porn to be cheating, while others might draw the line at patterns of micro cheating or sexting. Because social media platforms have different features, there are a large number of possibilities.
Some examples of online affairs include:3
Inappropriately texting: Sending flirty texts to someone may coincide with having an online affair. Texts may also include sending inappropriate images or videos, or sexting.
Sending flirty texts to someone may coincide with having an online affair. Texts may also include sending inappropriate images or videos, or sexting. Flirting via Instagram DMs: “Sliding into” someone’s Instagram DMs is typically an example of online infidelity. This type of online cheating can occur between acquaintances or strangers.
“Sliding into” someone’s Instagram DMs is typically an example of online infidelity. This type of online cheating can occur between acquaintances or strangers. Using a cheating website: Some websites advertise setting up discreet affairs. Some of the websites offer algorithm-based matching, similar to dating websites, for people specifically seeking out affair partners.
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Some websites advertise setting up discreet affairs. Some of the websites offer algorithm-based matching, similar to dating websites, for people specifically seeking out affair partners. Using dating apps: People may use apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or OkCupid to engage in an online affair. They will usually withhold the fact that they’re in a relationship, or lie about being in an open or polyamorous relationship.
People may use apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or OkCupid to engage in an online affair. They will usually withhold the fact that they’re in a relationship, or lie about being in an open or polyamorous relationship. Flirting in online forums: Online forums like Reddit allow like-minded individuals to come together, share ideas, and connect. Someone might seek an online affair by directly corresponding with a specific member (or set of members).
Online forums like Reddit allow like-minded individuals to come together, share ideas, and connect. Someone might seek an online affair by directly corresponding with a specific member (or set of members). Engaging with camgirls or camboys: Camgirls and camboys offer erotic streaming services via webcam. They typically work in exchange for money, and members can join their communities or engage in private viewing parties.
Camgirls and camboys offer erotic streaming services via webcam. They typically work in exchange for money, and members can join their communities or engage in private viewing parties. Talking to other people on fake or alternative social media accounts: In this case, your partner may be using one or multiple secret social media accounts to interact with inappropriate content, such as porn, send a DM on Instagram, or exchange explicit pictures and videos with others.
How to Respond to an Online Affair
Discovering online infidelity can be incredibly painful for unsuspecting partners. You may feel insecure, shocked, frustrated, scared, or even revengeful. These feelings are normal, and it’s okay to feel them. That said, it’s also important to know how to confront your partner about the online affair.
Some tips for responding to online cheating include:4