How do narcissists live happily?

How to live with a narcissistic partner Articulate non-negotiable boundaries. “Boundaries are very much an inside job,” says Dr. ... Learn the signs of gaslighting. ... Detach from emotional outbursts. ... Learn the art of negotiation. ... Fortify your self-esteem and self-soothing. ... Cultivate a tight and knowledgeable inner circle.

psychcentral.com - How to Live with Narcissistic Behaviors at Home - Psych Central

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If you have such a roommate or loved one, know that you’re not alone, and support is available. There are several ways to stand in your power and cope. But with narcissism, it’s a different story. For many, living with someone who has narcissistic behaviors can be a distressing experience. We all have some level of healthy assertiveness and a desire to put our needs first, from time to time. This kind of self-advocacy helps us preserve our confidence and celebrate our accomplishments. Living with someone who has narcissistic traits carries unique challenges. So we asked a bestselling author and expert on narcissism for a few tips. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. It may be diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) when it’s a clinically recognized recurrent pattern that pervades every aspect of life. It can be useful to view their patterns from this vantage point: They may be someone who craves love, acceptance, and validation, but they don’t know how to get it in an authentic way. Research from 2018 shows narcissistic behavior may stem from childhood abuse and neglect. It’s understandable. Folks with narcissistic behaviors may be oblivious to how their actions have hurt you, perhaps due to brain differences (as some research has observed) or a diminished ability to empathize with others. When you interact with someone who has narcissistic traits , you may feel confused, frustrated, or invalidated. You may also be asking yourself why they behave this way. Whether your roommate or loved one has been diagnosed with NPD or you suspect that their behavior might fit the bill, there are several ways to navigate their narcissistic behaviors.

1. Articulate non-negotiable boundaries

“Boundaries are very much an inside job,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist and author of two books on narcissism. “Setting boundaries doesn’t mean that you expect the other person’s behavior to change, but rather that you set a limit in your mind of what is acceptable, tolerable, and behave in line with that,” she explains. “For example, if you set a boundary around communication or being late and that boundary is violated, then you have to make a choice on what to do for you — but not link that to their behavior.” What it sounds like “I will not tolerate being spoken to that way.” If they persist, leave the room (safely).

2. Learn the signs of gaslighting

Gaslighting can be a manipulation tactic. It occurs when another person uses manipulation to cause you to doubt yourself or your sanity. As a result, you may feel confused or insecure, or lose self-confidence.

When someone gaslights you, it can sound like:

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“I was just joking.”

“I never said that.”

“That didn’t happen.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

To combat this, you might consider getting as many interactions as you can in writing. You can keep a log of important notes, dates, receipts, and quotes in your phone or journal.

3. Detach from emotional outbursts

Engaging with a person during an emotional outburst is pointless, says Durvasula.

“Disengage. Don’t personalize their outbursts, as hard as it is, especially if they are directed to you. Recognize that dysregulated behavior, especially if it is hurtful or harmful is not acceptable, and give yourself permission to not engage,” she says. Durvasula adds that you can express your unwillingness to continue the conversation until they approach you calmly and healthily. “You are not a psychological punching bag. It is their responsibility to learn to regulate, and you are not their therapist. It’s not your responsibility to teach them,” she adds.

4. Learn the art of negotiation

People with narcissism may not respond to traditional communication or “I” statements, as their empathy may be limited. You could instead try to use the same transactional or cause-and-effect language that they use, but rather to healthily assert your boundaries. What this sounds like Rather than, “I feel hurt when you’re late for date night,” you can try this: “Our reservation is at 6. If you’re not there by 6:15, I plan to leave and go to the movies with a friend. You’re welcome to join us, but I won’t wait for you to show up.”

5. Fortify your self-esteem and self-soothing

It’s a myth that only people with low self-esteem end up in these dynamics, Durvasula emphasizes. “Plenty of people with a strong sense of self get pulled into these relationships for a whole range of reasons,” she says. To self-soothe, you can do hobbies that make you feel good and build your self-confidence, particularly activities that prevent you from becoming isolated. A strong sense of self and comfort with your own company can help you set better boundaries, she adds.

6. Cultivate a tight and knowledgeable inner circle

Durvasula advises that you try to keep a solid support network of those who are aware of this person’s behavior, which includes finding a therapist who “gets” narcissism.

A therapist can help you:

psychcentral.com - How to Live with Narcissistic Behaviors at Home - Psych Central

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