Photo: Erik Mclean

How do men act after a break up?

7 Stages All Men Go Through While Recovering From A Tough Breakup Stage 1- The Ego Comes Alive. Stage 2- Man Becomes A Social Animal. Stage 3- Realisation Dawns Slowly. Stage 4- Anger & Sadness. Stage 5- Initial Acceptance. Stage 6 - Gaining The Trust & Redirecting Hope. Stage 7 - Ready To Take The Leap, Again.

mensxp.com - 7 Stages All Men Go Through While Recovering From A Tough Breakup

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When men go through a tedious break up, they might seem happy and distracted but that's really far from the reality that's hit them. As much as a man would like to deny it, he's a social and a dependable creature, who craves companionship and when he's all alone he'll put on a garb and mask his emotions to have frivolous fun to let things go. But there is a lot more to that, when men go through a bad break up. There are stages of getting over the memory of it and that's how they eventually deal with it and let go. Sometimes relationships crumble and it feels unbearable. It feels like your present and your future have both taken a hike and there is literally nothing left to look forward to. Sometimes you have to try really hard to make something work and sometimes you absolutely give up and take a back seat. Whatever may be the case, there is no point dragging a relationship to its eventual demise when you can either end it there and then or fix it slowly and in most cases, in today's generation, relationships end callously, every split second for the smallest or the biggest of things. The stages that men go through during a breakup is like a learning curve and they do get out of it, but rather slowly. But I feel it's imperative to got though this learning in order to let go of things holding one back. So, in order to sail through a break up a little more easily, there are 7 stages men go through post break up to recover and it's okay to acknowledge whatever you go through in order to understand it properly.

Stage 1- The Ego Comes Alive

Men have huge egos and they're suppressed most times when they're in the relationship, especially if they're partner is dominating. It's their way of making sure the ego doesn't become bigger than the relationship but once the relationship is over, the ego masks the entirety of it and to most people men who're going through a break up may seem absolutely fine and loving every ounce of life but they're usually really broken within. So, the stage of the ego is crucial and important and it helps a man go into his shell, subtly to get over the break up. According to a research led by the Journal of Experimental Psychology on general break ups, one mustn't fight their feelings at all. While it's okay to mask your emotions while going through a tough time, you should always acknowledge them to yourself, in order to move on from any hurt that you're trying to process.

Stage 2- Man Becomes A Social Animal

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Unlike women, men don't internalise the trauma at first. They let it seep in and shrug it off, or sweep it under the rug and try and go through life like nothing happened. Which can be quite disheartening for the woman they were in a relationship with. It's not like they're over it or have forgotten all about it, they're just trying to bring back their egos and socialise as much as they can, to forget their pain. They're also making up for the lack of interaction in their life. Earlier on, constant texting, calling etc. would be the feature of their day but now, since the break up, they try and fill that void by distracting themselves by talking to other women through texts and phone calls. It's not like they'll find someone and fall in love. That's next to impossible for a man who has just come out of a relationship. It's just filling in a habit, which takes time to completely go away.

Stage 3- Realisation Dawns Slowly

According to a research conducted by the University of Texas, the core understanding of a break up comes from the fact that you are truly alone and once the realisation dawns upon a man going through a break up, he begins to do things that completely alter and change his state of mind. He begins to look for happiness again. But for that to happen, it's important to realise that he's emotionally weak and alone at that moment. Men will do anything to honour their egos. They will put on a poker face and meet their friends, they'll flirt and distract themselves with other women , they'll get laid and they'll drown themselves in work. But with all this happening, sometime they will realise that they're going too fast and they haven't given themselves time to heal. That's when the real healing will begin- the moment they realise they need it.

Stage 4- Anger & Sadness

Now that stage 3 is over and a certain amount of realisation has occurred, everything is questioned since. From the reason to the break up to what led to it, everything comes into serious questioning and that can lead to a lot of anger and sadness at the same time, because you're confronting something you've probably swept under the rug for far too long! So, it's okay to vent out your feelings to yourself if no one else and realise what you went through, through your anger and sadness. It's actually you coming to terms with the break up.

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Stage 5- Initial Acceptance

This is an acceptance of the fact that , that it's finally over and you have nothing more to gain from the other person. You may have tried to contact her, you may have met her or even slept with her but the fact that it's over, is something that comes to you a lot later, in the later stages. Earlier you're busy masking your emotions and having all the fun to forget things. This may even be the stage where you may want to get back with her to make things work again. Because you have realised certain things, trying to internalise the problem. But if that doesn't work out, you finally begin to accept that it is in fact, finally over.

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Stage 6 - Gaining The Trust & Redirecting Hope

This stage helps you gain all the lost trust you bestowed upon yourself and another person. It helps you re-analyse your wants and your needs once again and try and find your way through the playing field again. The hope is a certainty of the fact that you can do without your ex and that you're going to take every step forward to break away from the previous tie and move on to something more suited for you. This is an important stage and it takes a while to gain that trust to do everything all over again. So, it's important to have tons of patience during this time. This stage can come months or even years after the first stage. This is the stage of final completion and it helps you know that you're ready to move on to another person altogether. Some men want to be with another woman, some men are content alone, unless they really find what they're looking for. Whatever it is, this stage clears away all the inhibitions and anything else that has stood in the way of getting over the break up, entirely. Sometimes this stage also helps realises that what they had previously made sense and it's okay to give it a shot. But that only happens with immense clarity and of letting go of everything from the past. The 7 stages are important to understand only because they're deep rooted and psycho-analysed to understand one's behavioural pattern, while going through a trauma. Of course it doesn't last forever, but what's important to remember is, everyone comes out alive and somewhat scar free, if you religiously go through these 7 stages and help yourself consciously to come out of the grief.

mensxp.com - 7 Stages All Men Go Through While Recovering From A Tough Breakup

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