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How do I stop giving second chances?

Try saying “no” to something you don't want to do. Don't apologize or offer excuses. Just say no. Also be aware of feelings of discomfort and resentment that come up with the person in question — they're signs that your boundaries are being tested and you shouldn't ignore them.

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Ask Anna is a sex column. Because of the nature of the topic, some columns contain language some readers may find graphic.

Dear Anna,

How do you know when to stop giving someone another chance? — Very Tired Of This

Dear VTOT,

When it hurts enough. That’s the short answer. It’s also the long answer. Well, actually, let me rephrase. If you’re giving someone a second chance, they have an opportunity to prove themselves and earn your trust back. If you’re giving someone third (or more) chances, it means they’re breaking your boundaries because they know they can get away with it. But back to the original point: You don’t say what this other person’s offense is, but it’s clearly hurting you a great deal. To give people another chance is a very human thing. Because even though it’s not in our best interests usually, it’s still an eminently hopeful thing. To give someone another shot means you still see their potential, the way things could be. (Or the way things used to be, if they were once good.) Unfortunately (or fortunately) for both of you, you live here, the way things ARE, not in some rose-tinted future or hazy past. Here is where you have to operate from. To that end, it’s time to start setting some boundaries. Do some self-reflection about what you want from this relationship. What are your hard lines? How do you plan to enforce them? If a breakup is coming, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness that follows? This is a big reason we go back to people who are bad for us. The short-term ache of loneliness outweighs the long-term happiness of moving on and finding someone better suited. It’s good to have measures of support in place while you grapple with this, if that’s the case. Find friends, family members, community, a codependency anonymous meeting, etc. Start leaning on them now. When learning to create better boundaries, it’s best to start small. Try saying “no” to something you don’t want to do. Don’t apologize or offer excuses. Just say no. Also be aware of feelings of discomfort and resentment that come up with the person in question — they’re signs that your boundaries are being tested and you shouldn’t ignore them. Above all, trust yourself. If something feels crappy, it’s probably because it is. And when it hurts bad enough, you’ll act on it.

Good luck, VTOT.

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How do you get to a man's heart is through his stomach?

Possible meaning: Many women have won a man's love by cooking delicious meals for him. They fed his stomach and found love in his heart.

englishclub.com - The way to a man's heart is through his stomach - EnglishClub

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach

This page is about the saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"

Possible meaning:

Many women have won a man's love by cooking delicious meals for him. They fed his stomach and found love in his heart.

way (noun): path; route

stomach (noun): the part of your body in which food is first digested Quick Quiz If "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach", a woman may gain a man's affections with a. flattery

b. money

c. food c a) flattery b) money c) food

See Saying of the Day today

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