Infatuation Rules
Photo: Keira Burton
How to stop criticizing: Be realistic. ... Look for the positives. ... Don't take his/her behavior personally. ... Consider whether you need to say anything at all. ... Ask directly and respectfully for what you want. ... Manage your own anxiety and stress.
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Read More »Do you frequently criticize your family, friends, or colleagues? Do you focus on their faults?If you recognize (or someone’s told you) that you’re critical of others, this post is for you. Some people find it hard to stop themselves from making negative comments abouteverything and everyone around them. Others hold in their hurt and angry feelings until they can’t take it anymore. Then they burst into a tirade of criticisms. Being highly critical and holding othersto exceptionally high standards is also a sign of High Criticism Perfectionists. You can go back and read my post “What is Perfectionism?” for more details on the different types of perfectionists. Let’s start by reviewing the problems that are motivating you to stop criticizing. The problems with criticizing: It’s hurtful. Nagging, criticizing, and focusing on what your family or friends are doing wrong causes real damage to your relationships. Criticismerodes connection and communication. It doesn’t work. Criticism is demotivating. We think it’s going to get our spouse, kids, or employees to change, but it doesn’t. Consider a motherwho sees her teenage daughter reach for another cookie and says, “Better watch it. I’m not gonna buy you another pair of jeans if yours don’t fit.” This criticism isn’t going to encourage her to eat more healthfully. She’s likely to feel ashamed and angry not motivated. The other reason criticism doesn’t work is it doesn’t address the deeper issues in your relationship and inside you. Criticizing others maybe a reflection of internal anxiety or pain. It can be a way of trying to feel in control of something or someone that feels out of your control. The more you criticize, the more unhappy you get. There’s an interesting phenomenon called the negativity bias. It essentially means that we all tend to look for and focus on the problems more than the positives. This means that I’m biased towards finding my husband’s faults and misdeeds. He is likely doing just as many, if not more, things that please me, but I am prone to over emphasize his faults. Sothe more I criticize him for leaving dirty socks on the floor, the more I reinforce feeling irritatedabout the socks on the floor. You may also be unhappy because you feel ashamed or guilty about your critical behaviors. Now that you’ve identified the ways that criticism is causing problems for you and your relationships, let’s look at how to change.
A survey of more than 3500 singles conducted by the online dating site RSVP (owned by Fairfax Media, the publisher of Sunday Life) found that 20...
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15 signs that your ex has moved on to someone else They friendzone you. ... They don't initiate contact. ... She blocks you. ... She wants her...
Read More »How to Deal With Being Annoyed With Your Partner Recognize the Cause of Your Irritation. Practice Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation. Own Your Annoyance. Let It Go and Turn Your Focus. Take 5 and Then Talk About It. Outlook.
Irritation, annoyance, and anger are all normal emotions. If you’re easily annoyed with your partner, there are ways to manage your feelings.
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“A man will commit when he feels a deep connection with a woman that he doesn't feel with anyone else; when he finds a lover who is also his best...
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