Photo: Anna Shvets

How do I start letting go?

Tips for letting go Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts. ... Create physical distance. ... Do your own work. ... Practice mindfulness. ... Be gentle with yourself. ... Allow the negative emotions to flow. ... Accept that the other person may not apologize. ... Engage in self-care. More items...

healthline.com - How to Let Go: 12 Tips for Letting Go of the Past - Healthline

Is it possible to be permanently heartbroken?

Getting your heart broken can damage the way your heart functions forever, proving that - for some people - time is not actually the greatest healer.

Last updated Jul 18, 2019

What are the ABC's of healthy relationships?

The ABCs of healthy relationships refer to Attitude, Boundaries and Communication. Trauma, abuse, neglect and general chaos in people's lives makes...

Last updated Jun 12, 2018

Promotion

Holding on to the past can be a conscious decision just like letting go and moving forward can be a conscious decision.

It’s a question many of us ask ourselves each time we experience heartache or emotional pain: how do you let go of past hurts and move on?

One thing that connects us as human beings is our ability to feel pain. Whether that pain is physical or emotional, we all have experiences of being hurt. What separates us though, is how we deal with that pain. Experts have found that when emotional pain prevents you from healing from a situation, it’s a sign that we aren’t moving forward in a growth-oriented way. One of the best ways to heal from hurts is to learn lessons from the situation and use those to focus on growth and forward momentum. If we get stuck in thinking about what “should have been,” we can become immobilized in painful feelings and memories. If you’re trying to move forward from a painful experience, but you’re not sure how to get started, here are 12 tips to help you let go.

1. Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts

How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you stuck. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts. For example, says clinical psychologist Carla Manly, PhD, instead of getting stuck in, “I can’t believe this happened to me!” try a positive mantra such as, “I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life — one that is good for me.”

2. Create physical distance

It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that you should distance yourself from the person or situation that is causing you to be upset. According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, that’s not such a bad idea. “Creating physical or psychological distance between ourselves and the person or situation can help with letting go for the simple reason that we are not having to think about it, process it, or being reminded of it as much,” she explains.

3. Do your own work

How do you fix a relationship after losing feelings?

How to Revive a Relationship Take a Step Backward to Go Forward. Remember the Things You Love About Your Partner. Maintain and Support You and Your...

Last updated Sep 6, 2020

How do you tell if it's fizzling out?

Sure, you might have some sort of feelings for your partner, but you don't like them anymore. You're tired of trying to figure it all out. ... You...

Last updated Mar 17, 2020

Promotion

Focusing on yourself is important. You have to make the choice to address the hurt that you’ve experienced. When you think about a person who caused you pain, bring yourself back to the present. Then, focus on something that you’re grateful for.

4. Practice mindfulness

The more we can bring our focus to the present moment, says Lisa Olivera, a licensed marriage and family therapist, the less impact our past or future has on us. “When we start practicing being present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to choose how we want to respond to our lives,” she adds.

5. Be gentle with yourself

If your first response to not being able to let go of a painful situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. Olivera says this looks like treating ourselves like we would treat a friend, offering ourselves self-compassion, and avoiding comparisons between our journey and those of others. “Hurt is inevitable, and we may not be able to able to avoid pain; however, we can choose to treat ourselves kindly and lovingly when it comes,” Olivera explains.

6. Allow the negative emotions to flow

If you’re fear of feeling negative emotions is causing you to avoid them, don’t worry, you’re not alone. In fact, Durvasula says that many times, people are afraid of feelings such as grief, anger, disappointment, or sadness. Rather than feeling them, people just try to shut them out, which can disrupt the process of letting go. “These negative emotions are like riptides,” explains Durvasula. “Let them flow out of you… It may require mental health intervention, but fighting them can leave you stuck,” she adds.

7. Accept that the other person may not apologize

Waiting for an apology from the person who hurt you will slow down the process of letting go. If you’re experiencing hurt and pain, it’s important you take care of your own healing, which may mean accepting that the person who hurt you isn’t going to apologize.

8. Engage in self-care

When we are hurting, it often feels like there is nothing but hurt. Olivera says practicing self-care can look like setting boundaries, saying no, doing the things that bring us joy and comfort, and listening to our own needs first. “The more we can implement self-care into our daily lives, the more empowered we are. From that space, our hurts don’t feel as overwhelming,” she adds.

What is a man's big three?

Dick's Big Three framework focuses on relationship dynamics, and, more specifically, the idea that understanding where you and your partner land in...

Last updated Apr 7, 2021

How can you spot a toxic person?

Signs you're in a toxic situation with someone They gaslight or lie to you. ... They don't apologize properly. ... They don't understand how their...

Last updated Jul 31, 2020

Promotion

9. Surround yourself with people who fill you up

This simple yet powerful tip can help carry you through a lot of hurt. We can’t do life alone, and we can’t expect ourselves to get through our hurts alone, either, explains Manly. “Allowing ourselves to lean on loved ones and their support is such a wonderful way of not only limiting isolation but of reminding us of the good that is in our lives.”

10. Give yourself permission to talk about it

When you’re dealing with painful feelings or a situation that hurt you, it’s important to give yourself permission to talk about it. Durvasula says sometimes people can’t let go because they feel they aren’t allowed to talk about it. “This may be because the people around them no longer want to hear about it or [the person is] embarrassed or ashamed to keep talking about it,” she explains. But talking it out is important. That’s why Durvasula recommends finding a friend or therapist who is patient and accepting as well as willing to be your sounding board.

11. Give yourself permission to forgive

Since waiting for the other person to apologize can stall the process of letting go, you may have to work on your own forgiveness. Forgiveness is vital to the healing process because it allows you to let go of anger, guilt, shame, sadness, or any other feeling you may be experiencing and move on.

12. Seek professional help

If you’re struggling to let go of a painful experience, you may benefit from talking to a professional. Sometimes it’s difficult to implement these tips on your own, and you need an experienced professional to help guide you through the process.

healthline.com - How to Let Go: 12 Tips for Letting Go of the Past - Healthline

What does F and T stand for in personality test?

The third letter in the personality type acronym corresponds to preference within the thinking-feeling pair: “T” stands for thinking and “F” stands...

Last updated Sep 11, 2019

What does Matthew 8 18 21 mean?

“Another of the disciples said to him, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury...

Last updated Jan 30, 2020

Promotion

What happens if you dates everyday?

The high concentration of antioxidants in dates also helps in reducing the activities of free radicals (elements that can cause cancer) and thereby...

Last updated Jan 29, 2020

Promotion

When should you leave an unhealthy relationship?

If you're constantly fighting and seem unable to resolve conflict, that could be a sign of when to leave a relationship. While you can learn how to...

Last updated Apr 2, 2022